Monday, January 13, 2014
My entire life words have meant so much to me it's kind of crazy. Words create stories which helped my chubby, anxious 11 year old self escape the hell hole that is middle school. Nothing is worse than middle school and I would never ever ever ever ever ever go back there and you can't make me and when I have kids I will completely understand if they want to skip grades 6-8.
As I get older I have realized something about words; they can be the most beautiful thing in the entire world or they can cause deep, real pain. I'm almost 25 and I'm trying be more careful about my words because there's only so many times you can put your foot in your mouth, only so many times you can say something and immediately regret it, your eyes going wide and in your head repeating "Damn damn damn damn damn."
We will always say things we regret because we are flawed humans, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try and be better. I made a list of words/phrases I want to stop saying and I know it's not going to be easy but IS LIFE EASY?? NO OKAY.
Alright, everybody CALM DOWN. This word isn't part of my daily vocabulary but if you tell me you've never said it I would have a hard time believing you. Mostly whenever one of my friends or I have said it, it's in reference to a guy or group of guys at large. Here's how the conversation usually goes:
Friend/me: Ugh, it's so hard to date in LA.
Friend/me: I know right?
Friend/me: Men are such....there's no other word for it...pussies! Like, grow up!
I'm not *proud* of this conversation but it's a pretty common one in general. And I hate myself for using that word and for having this conversation because 1. It's stereotyping and grouping all men together which is incorrect and 2. It's using 'pussy' in a derogatory sense. Because 'pussy' obviously means 1. cats. or 2. vaginas and I'm sorry but both of those are pretty wonderful things. The problem with using 'pussy' as in insult is that you're using a word that is specifically in reference to female genitalia and you're using it to describe someone who is weak, wimpy, and specifically a man who is those things.
A lot of people might just think I'm being overly defensive. But I don't think I am. There are so many words that are common placeholders in our language that we don't even think about.
My sister Rebecca brought this to my attention awhile back with using "guys" to address a group of people, regardless of gender. When you say "hey guys" and you're talking to either a mixed gendered group or just females, you're automatically using the word 'guy' as dominant. This seems super nit picky but I mean, it's true. And it makes you think, you know?
I guess this could be grouped in with 'pussy' but I hate this word so much. I hate it because again, we often use to to describe females or a male who is "weak" or "acting like a little bitch." I don't know one person who enjoys being called a bitch. And if you do, well that's your thang homie. I just know personally, I use this word too often and I hate it and I'm just gonna stop on my own account. I guess it rubs me the wrong way too because I LOVE Beyonce and she has that song where she sings "Bow Down Bitches" and that honestly bothers me so much. Because Beyonce says she's an advocate for female rights and brands herself as a feminist, but she's literally singing a song telling other women to BOW DOWN to her. She's not singing "stand up next to me" she's telling them to bow down. When we 'bow down' to something it is most commonly seen as an act of worship. I LOVE Beyonce but I'm sorry, I'm not going to bow down to her and especially when she calls me a bitch.
3. I'm Going to Kill Myself
This is probably my most over-used phrase and I'm truly ashamed. I have been personally affected by suicide and there is nothing funny or casual about it. It is sickening and has hurt my family deeply and I hate that I can so easily toss around this phrase because it's gross. I don't get offended when other people say it, but because of my own experience with this particular topic I just never ever want to say it again.
4. I'm soooo poooor
No, I'm not. I have access to clean water. I'm never hungry, I have a house, I have a car, I have a job. There is no way in any form that I am 'poor' so I need to stop saying this, I need to start being grateful, and I need to start living my life in ways that can help those who actually are poor. It's stupid that I'm so de-sensitized to this and it's no one's fault but my own.
This post was in no way meant to be a rant or trying to pose as some kind of thesis or me trying to be "smart" - it's just truly what is on my mind and I wanted to write about it so um....yeah. K bye!