Friday, October 11, 2013

O.o (october obsessions)

What I'm listening to:

Dr. Dog's new album B-Room.

This new album is everything. Dr. Dog has been one of my favorites for awhile now, but I have seriously been listening to this album on repeat. It's a perfect October soundtrack. Even in Los Angeles where you still get sun burnt in October and can lay out by the pool on a Saturday afternoon, this album is bringing me back to Philadelphia mornings. To crunchy leaves beneath my feet, to Chai Lattes and sweaters that are too big and all that wonderful nostalgic ish. 

What I'm watching:

I just finished "Orphan Black" and it is easily my new favorite show.

I mean, look at this girl.

Not only is she gorgeous but homegirl is such a badass and Tatiana Maslany is one hell of an actress. She is playing like, 5 different clones and doing everything from a rough Cockney accent to German to Russian to American. It's a joke she hasn't already won an Emmy, but it's only one season in so let's all just give it time and watch this woman take over the entertainment industry. 

What I'm wearing:

Jon Snow's face on a T-shirt. Because what else are you gonna do when you live in LA and dating is harder than getting taken seriously when you tell someone you want to write and perform comedy for a living? You're gonna stick on a T-shirt of one of your many fictional crushes, carrying a baseball bat and wearing a Nirvana flannel and you're gonna take a mirror pic in a Harry Potter store and call it a day.

 What I'm doing:

Hanging out with Benedict Cumberbunz of course. Oh did I say hanging out? I meant face-in-holing myself with him. Coolcool.

What I'm wanting:

Calm down, I'm not going to say Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Although, yeah I definitely want one. What I'm wanting is genuine faith. I want to pray and believe in that prayer. I want to know that God loves me, that God loves people and I want to love people the way God loves. That is what is on my heart this October and it's real and tangible and I crave it.

I also want to stop being annoyed with myself. I want to stop over-analyzing everything I do. I want to stop driving home from a party or hang out and thinking in my head these thoughts:

"I was too loud."

"I'm a freak."

"This is why I'm single, I kept moon-walking out of the room."

"Really, Nina, you don't have to be THAT loud."

"Why do I act that way, why why whyyyyyyyyy."

I want to get rid of those thoughts and I don't want to do it by watching a youtube video of some guy speaking to an empty auditorium and performing a terrible slam poem about how I'm a princess and other such bullshit. I wanna believe that I am loved by God because it says it in the freaking bible. I want that to be enough. I want to know that, feel it and say F*ck it. This is who I am.

I'm messed up and nervous and I cuss too much and sometimes I eat feelings and I can be really moody, but this is who I am. I also love God and am learning and wanting to learn as much as I can and just be a genuine person. A genuine human with genuine feelings who is genuinely just trying to figure it all out.

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