Friday, March 29, 2013

why phillip phillips is ruining everything



If you know me then you know that I am a swooner. It's just a thing I do, okay? I swoon! Sue me!

I swoon over lots of things. Kittens. Babies. Amazing literary moments (ie: Ron and Hermione's kiss). Songs. Banjos. A well made latte. Old lovey couples. Young lovey couples. You name it, I will probably swoon.

Lately there seems to be nothing more swoon worthy than a certain American Idol winning, Georgia born, soulful guy named PHILLIP FREAKING PHILLIPS.

Ugh, just stop it Phillip Phillips with your stupid name and even stupider good looks. I can't. Take. IT!!!

I was driving home from work the other night and PP's song, "Gone, Gone, Gone" came on and that was it. I was done. Off to Swoonville where I live in the Burrow and Zac Efron is everywhere and we can all eat as much chocolate as we want and no one gets heavy or Diabetes.

It's really an issue and here's why; HIS SONGS ARE SO UNREALISTIC AND FOOLISH. It's as if PP sat in a room with a few label execs and said, "Okay team. Let's write a song where every single line is perfectly designed to make a woman's ovaries explode and her heart melt into a cardiovascular fondue fountain." PERFECCTTT!!

Would you like a taste of this obscene wonder?

"When life leaves you high and dry
I'll be at your door tonight if you need help, if you need help.
I'll shut down the city lights
I'll lie cheat I'll beg and bribe
to make you well, make you well
When enemies are at your door I'll carry you away from more if
you need help, if you need help
Your hope dangling by a string
I'll share in your suffering
to make you well to make you well."

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! STOPPPPP! I don't want to deal with all these FEELSSS Phillip Phillips. I'm not even going to touch on the slighly messed up cheating and lying and bribing (that's just wrong PP!) but come on!

This is redonk. Silly. Over the top. Like it's so nice it's just FUNNY. There are so many unrealistic expectations set up with this song for every party involved. Because if Phillip Phillips were to really song a relatable love song it'd go something like this:

"You're such an amazing texter it's hard to believe
I'll like your instagram photos cuz you got an awesome feed
Maybe we can hang out and split the bill
Because we're not sure if we're more than friends or how we really feel."

I feel like I wouldn't enjoy this as much but STILL AT LEAST IT'D BE REALISTIC. Am I right? Am I right? Alright, yes, I'll still listen to PP but still, I don't think there's anyone who can write a more swoon worthy song than this kid. Woof.

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