It's true. I'm just like any other gal living in Los Angeles! I want to instagram that pretty sunset over the Valley! I want to snap a picture of my trendy latte art at an obscure cafe in Silverlake and seem really cool!!!!! I WANT TO WEAR QUIRKY TIGHTS AND TAKE A PICTURE OF MY COOL SHOES ON A WORN OUT BRICK ROAD THAT'S ACTUALLY PROBABLY JUST IN WEST LA.
Does this make me a bad person? Don't answer that. But what I'm sure it does is paint a picture of a life that I'm not really living. Who instagrams the real messed up shit we all actually go through? Like how ADORABLE would it be if I posted a picture on instagram of my face screwed up in worry with the caption, "Having a panic attack! Yeee!"
I'm so obsessed with wanting everyone out there thinking I'm living this wonderful, happy, carefree west coast life. It's stupid. I'm not. No one lives that life unless you're a cartoon character in which case CAN WE PLEASE BE FRIENDS.
The more I try to make it seem one way, the more it's the other. Instead of just living and breathing and waking up each morning with a heart full of gratitude, I wake up with a heart full of worry and anxiety and stress. And occasionally there are moments when I feel so full my heart could explode. But it should be the opposite way. I should feel full of wonder and awe with OCCASIONAL stress and anxiety and worry.
Our Creator didn't Create us to have us fret all the hours of our days. I don't want that. That's why I'm trying to slow down and enjoy the little minutes. Like the morning light through my living room, the gentle glow it creates as I sip my tea.
Like the strangers that I meet at work; the amazement in their eyes as I take them around the studio, the kindness they show and their genuine smiles.
Like my legs moving as I run under bending trees, breathing in the salty sea air wafting up from the beach.
Like the text from an old friend that reminds me of my roots and when I was thirteen and summertime in Philadelphia.
Because, really, this:
Is actually more like this:
And as my boy Tupac once said, "That's just the way it is."
So ya big lugs! That's my goal. To slow down and not care about how others perceive my life. Because I am His Beloved! We all are AND THAT'S FREAKING AWESOME I SAY WE JUST HAVE A BIG OL BELOVED PARTY.
Ya sweet thangs.