Thursday, November 15, 2012

4 happy movies i love that have disturbing plot holes

While brushing my teeth the other day after work, I was hit with a sudden realization: there are so many movies I love that have severe plot holes that are simply too hard to ignore. I don't know what about brushing my teeth made me think of this, but I know it led me to a series of thoughts as I got ready to go out that I just couldn't let go! So I decided to do what any other person would do; self-indulge and BLOG about it!

The Parent Trap

For my 9th birthday I brought some of my best friends to the movies and we went to see Lindsay Lohan pre-breakdown in The Parent Trap. This movie was every little girl's dream - who DIDN'T want to go to summer camp after seeing that movie? Who DIDN'T want a twin with a cool accent? And you're a liar if you didn't try oreo cookies and peanut butter after watching Lindsay 1 and Lindsay 2 nom on them. Ugh. Add in Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson (RIP), some tar, some feathers, and you've got me. But you know what's REALLY disturbing about this film? The fact that when Hallie & Annie's parents divorced, they each took one baby. LIKE, THEY EACH JUST DECIDED THEY WERE FINE NEVER KNOWING THEIR OTHER CHILD? 


Okay if I was 11 and I found out my mom never wanted to know me at all, I wouldn't gaze at her all lovingly when she's designing wedding dresses. I'd probably cry in the fetal position and realize that's where all of my inner issues stemmed from, like why I eat my emotions and have thick eyebrows because no one ever told me how to pluck them. COME ON PEOPLE. It's freaking messed up! It's just not right! 

She's The Man

Oh Amanda Bynes. Poor, poor Amanda Bynes. Is there a trend happening with these movies and their wayward starlets? I love me some Amanda Bynes. The first time I rented "She's the Man" I literally watched it five times and peed from laughter. Then I sat there in my pee and wondered where my life was going....but no, seriously, if you don't like this movie then I have trouble trusting you. It's so great and cheesy and Channing Tatum is well, shirtless for most of it so that's a plus. Anyway, I digress.

Chanelle and I always talk about how disturbed we'd be if we were Olivia. I know this movie is based off of Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night" but I still can't ignore that if it turned out the guy I tried to make out with and fell in love with was actually a girl....ummm, I wouldn't just be able to get over it in a second. I'd be a little weirded out. ALSO! Like, HELLO Viola is totally just a rebound for Duke. Like, he straight up ditched her for Olivia, then finds out Sebastian is a girl, and is like ummmm I like you? Did you have as much trouble understanding those last few sentences as I had typing them out? Good, we're all golden.

Beauty and the Beast

She falls in love with an animal. 'Nuff said. And it's not just any animal. It's not like it's Simba who is pretty cute in that halfway teenage stage in "Hakuna Matata" or a beautiful horse or something. IT'S A FREAKING BEAST. LIKE, AN OVERGROWN DOG THAT HAS BAD HAIR AND ANGER ISSUES. ALSO, um BELLE, even when you're singing "Something There" and it's snowing and you and Beast are having a snowball fight and exchanging flirty, creepy glances...YOU'RE STILL HIS PRISONER. AHHH!!!

Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney movie, hands down. I relate to Belle. She's a bookworm. She's gorgeous....we're basically the same person. JUST KIDDING. But seriously, sometimes I sit there and think how creepy and weird it is Belle loves a beast and not even a cuddly one but one that keeps her prisoner. Yikes.

Never Been Kissed

First you need to understand how much I love this movie. Next you need to understand HOW REALLY MESSED UP THIS MOVIE IS. And I'll explain why; Mr. Coulson (played by the super-sexy Michael Vartan) is a high school English teacher. Josie Gellar (played by the stupidly adorable Drew Barrymore) is a dumpy, aspiring journalist who goes undercover back to high school to find a great story. Mr. Coulson ends up falling in love with Josie and it's literally the most amaze-ball movie kiss of all time (which you can read about more detail because I blogged about it in the best movie kisses of all time) but what the movie lacks to address is the fact that MR. COULSON FELL IN LOVE WITH WHO HE THOUGHT WAS A 17/18 YEAR OLD HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT. Um, GROSS? Um, STILL WONDERFUL? We don't even care as an audience because we love them so much. That scene on the ferris wheel? Don't EVEN get me STARTED. But hey, it is all a little disturbing but I'll forgive it for the fact that Octavia Spencer is in this movie and has like 4 lines, and the absolutely awesome Beach Boys soundtrack. LISTEN DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, GO WATCH THIS MOVIE. 

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