Wednesday, October 17, 2012

i've missed this (it'sbeenalongwhile)

It's been like, one helluva fortnight since I've posted in this blog. But, I emmerrrgeeee!!!!!! From the depths of my Doctor Who addiction, from the stress of a broken-down car, a broken-down phone, sheer exhaustion and laziness.

I AM BACK YA BIG LUGS. 

Don't get too excited because I know all of you are. 

There's so much to talk about, so much to express and sometimes I feel like someone in that brain of mine just flipped off a switch and no words make it to my fingers and make it to my keyboard. Nothing. So it's time to sit down and just write. 

What am I learning right now? Besides the fact that I CANNOT STOP WATCHING/THINKING ABOUT DOCTOR WHO AND YOU ALL SHOULD GO WATCH IT ON NETFLIX RIGHT NOW!!!

What am I learning?

I'm learning a shit ton of stuff thanks to the Big Man up there in the Heavens. God, You are so good. Like cray-cray good.

What am I learning?

I'm learning to have peace and be calm in the little hiccups of life - because that reflects how I'm going to react to the BIG  hiccups of life. So what my car broke down? So what I'm a little stressed with student loans? So what I'm not as skinny as I want to be? So whattttttt. It's terribly easy to get bogged down with the anxieties and worries we daily face. But if I sit back on my heels and I think about my life, I can only offer up praise, you know? Like, genuine-freaking-praise. 

I want to be a woman of Faith.
Meek in spirit - but Lord knows that does NOT mean quiet. Can I ever be quiet? NO. Meek in the sense that I don't FREAK THE HELL OUT every time something doesn't go my way. I wanna be the kind of woman that says to God, "Nothing can change what is between me and You." And I want to believe that statement.

I want to be thankful. 

Truthfully, September was a month of unthankfulness and I hate that. I'm turning a new leaf with October - SEE WHAT I DID THERE CUZ IT'S AUTUMN AND ALL??? It's true - I want to walk around the lot at Paramount and be amazed I get to work there. I want to stand in awe of the fact that a year ago I would have never imagined such an opportunity. I want to pray for the people that work on that lot - I want to pray that God is present in this industry. I want to believe God has me there for a reason.

Around this time is when I ache for home - for the changing of leaves, the taste of a Chai Latte, walking with old friends around the sweet streets of Swarthmore. I always wonder if LA is the place for me. I don't know. I don't think anywhere is the place for any of us because in the end we are meant for Heaven. So I think it's okay for me to be homesick, but I don't want to dwell on that. Because right here, in this moment, I'm in Los Angeles and I'm trusting that God has something up that freakin' awesome sleeve of His.

So goodbye Cranky September. You were tough. I messed up a lot. But October is new and wonderful and I am so thankful I wake up everyday to a Savior that forgives&loves&His mercies are new everyday. Lord knows (literally) that I cling to this.

Leggo.

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