Let's face it: twitter is awesome. And vain. And addicting. It's like Facebook but better. It's also the best platform for embellishing the truth. Here are some of my tweets decoded: PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN. (I'm sure some of you can relate. If you can't, you're a liar for saying you don't lie a little on twitter. And I'm probably going to unfollow you.)
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WHAT MY TWEETS REALLY MEAN
1. "Beautiful weather!! Perfect for going on a 7 mile run :)"
"I'm going to start out running but about ten minutes into it I'll slow to a brisk walk. I'll maintain this walk for the duration of the 7 miles until I see either one of the following: a fire truck full of strapping young firemen or any good looking under 30 male human specimen. I will then sprint like an Olympiad and hope the sweat gathered on my upper lip can somehow be construed as sexy."
2. "Happy for a day off. Doing some laundry and relaxing!"
"Happy for a day off. Gonna watch the entire first season of Laguna Beach on netflix and wonder why LC didn't go after Trey instead of being Stephen's lapdog."
3. "Men are stupid. I'll date after I get married."
"Men are stupid. I'll date after I get married."
4. "Writing!! Love a blank page. Can't wait to have this screenplay published and make millions."
"Sitting at Starbucks, stalking people on Facebook and occasionally typing a sentence while mentally debating with myself whether I should get a scone or not."
5. "I love grocery shopping."
"I'm overwhelmed and terrified and why can't I live off of Subway?"
6. "It's a Dr. Dog kind of day."
"My last five tweets were pop culture references and about the Kardashians, QUICK LET ME PROVE TO PEOPLE I LIKE GOOD MUSIC AND AM QUIRKY."
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