Sunday, July 1, 2012

o my soul

There are little moments where I feel a deep peace and a little murmur that says,

"This is right where you are meant to be."

This week has been full of those moments. I am always grateful for these moments and if there's one thing the Lord has taught me this week it is to have a heart of gratitude. Real gratitude, not a fleeting whisper of thanks. But the kind of gratitude that brings me to my knees in awe of something so much greater than myself...

Lying on the beach at Lake Champion this week I reflected over the past two years. Visiting  my sister Rebecca who is the ropes intern this summer was beyond amazing - and to be there with my mom and stepdad. Just unreal. Young Life means so much to me because it led me to meeting my Savior and to sit there with my family and listen to the cross talk...I can't even put it into words. 

I know I've written the last blog or two about how much I've changed, but lying there in the sun, hearing the laughter and the happy yells from the campers as they went fearlessly off the blob tower or spoke to their leaders about a life they were unsure about, I felt more myself than ever before. I breathed in and out away from everything. Away from the noise and chaos that is Los Angeles, away from the anxiety of student loans, and a career, and relationships and friendships. Away from the insecurities that creep constantly, away from the moments where I'm unsure and alone and so far away....I breathed in and out, in and out and I just...was. I felt God holding me, telling me it's okay. And I felt gratitude.

* * * 

I'll never get tired of sitting in an air conditioned room with my sisters, laughing and being myself and eating pizza and feeling like I'm ten again. I'll never get tired of holding Rebecca's ice cold feet, or singing at the top of my lungs with Christina until we cry laughing, I'll never get tired of watching Gizmo, our childhood cat, with them...I'll never even get tired of the seconds where we get so annoyed with each other and then the next second bust up laughing because of how ridiculous it is.

Being home in Philadelphia makes me feel rejuvenated. It reminds me of my roots, and as I sit here with brown hair dye on my hair I feel like I am literally going back to my roots. My natural crazy, brunette curls and in a way I feel like it's just what I'm supposed to do. Be the me God created me to be. 

Being around courageous women like my mom, my sisters, women from our home church, women I've met through the years through Young Life and Peru and all of our crazy adventures--these women help me be brave. Help me to feel brave when all I want to do is cry and stay in Philly with everything familiar. 

God calls us to live uncomfortable lives - actually He promises there will be hard times. But he also promises to be right there with us. God, I am so thankful You are with me every second of my day. How could I do anything without You? Thank You for reminding me that I am Your daughter and I am called to live the life You want me to live.

Thank you thank you thank you.

A few pictures from this week:

Lake Champion 

Work dem ropes girl!

The favors we made for my mom's wedding.  MY MOM GOT MARRIED. And it was the most beautiful, Christ-filled wedding I have ever experienced. I'll be posting later about it in more detail. 

* * *

On the road travelin' back to Lake Champion to drop Rebeca back off. 

* * *

Now I'm off to spend time with Melanie and Jeane, my two best friends since 8th grade!!!!!!!! My heart is so full!!! 

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