What an emotional past few days. Do you ever feel like sometimes you just want to cry at everything? If you're a guy maybe you don't feel like this as much as I do, but I feel like I can't be the only one. It's not even that I'm sad or in a strange rut - I just feel like my emotions are in overdrive. I mean, yes, they usually are all the time. I cry at everything. But lately I just can't seem to help feeling things strongly.
Yesterday I went for a hike and it was exactly what I needed. Every time I get to the highest point of Runyon Canyon and I look out at the Hollywood sign, I kind of feel overwhelmed in a good way. And I wonder what God's plan is for my life. I have no idea why He has me here in Los Angeles. I mean, I have a general idea, but lately I have been praying about surrendering everything to God. My life, my future, my career, my relationships....everything. And it is HARD. But it is important.
Yesterday I also had the chance to talk to one of the most amazing women I know, my friend Melissa. I interned with Melissa two years ago at Lake Champion, a Young Life camp. It was hands down the hardest and most amazing summer of my life! Anyway, Melissa recently got engaged! I am SO excited. As she told me the story I listened on the phone and cried (obviously) and was so overjoyed. I remember sitting with Melissa on the dock of the lake, eating ice cream and talking about our lives to one another. Isn't it amazing how you can only know someone and be around them for three months and feel like they're your sister? I am SO excited for Corey and Melissa. God is so good.
Reminiscing with Melissa about Lake Champion got me thinking about how much I've changed in two years. It's a little scary. This year has been one of the hardest of my life, but in that struggle it has also been the most incredible. But sometimes I feel like I don't know myself anymore...I look back at the Nina from two summers ago and who I am right now, and it's crazy how different I feel. God changes us and He is constantly transforming us, but what if I feel like I'm not changing for the better? WHOAH WE ABOUT TO GET REAL DEEP ON THIS BLOG. But do you know what I mean?
When we are put in uncomfortable atmospheres I think our true selves come out. For example, me living in Los Angeles. I am out of my comfort zone. I am living far away from my family, I am pursuing a career in a cut-throat industry and I am starting my whole entire life over. Meeting new friends, adjusting to a life all the way out here in LA. While it has been so incredible it has also been SO HARD. Sometimes I have these moments where I have to stop and remind myself who I am.
I am made in the image of God.
I am a woman of Jesus Christ.
These are basically the only two things I need to remember. Why, in a city like LA, is it so easy to forget them? Why is it so easy to compare myself to other women, other people? Why is it so easy to want to just fit in with everyone else and go along with what the world tells me?
In these times when I feel like I'm just treading water, I need to remember the small celebrations of life. Like hiking alone and seeing this:
Or how much I love reading Harry Potter and drinking chai tea before seeing a UCB improv show. How I look forward to Mondays because I know I get to just laugh for an hour straight watching some talented people do what I want to do one day on stage.
Y'all. God is good. I rest in His love and His plan for my life. It is good to be free.
"For thus says the Lord God: I myself will search for my sheep, and will seek them out. As shepherds seek out their flocks when they are among their scattered sheep, so I will seek out my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places to which they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness."
- Ezekiel 34:11-12