I do this really adorable thing where I overanalyze everything. Jealous much? You should be....IF IT WERE OPPOSITE DAY.
Did anyone know this was an actual movie? Pauly Shore, what are you DOING? But yeah, I do agree....KIDS RULE!!!!!
Back to my point of my super adorable trait of freaking out and overanalyzing everything. I could list all the areas of my life where I nitpick everything apart, but it'd be kind of a super boring post. Recently I've been struggling with the fact that I don't always feel like I belong in the category of a "Christian girl." I know, I know. Sound the alarm! What does that even mean? Before you rip me to shreds with whatever argument you have, hear me out.
I haven't been a Christian my whole life. I've always believed in God, but it was never a relationship with Jesus Christ. It was more of a fear that if I did something bad I would go to a hell and never be forgiven. There was no Grace in this mindset, no mention of a Savior dying on a cross so that I didn't have to worry anymore, I just had to believe. Then I realized when I was seventeen that I wanted to know what it was like to live my life for something greater than myself. I wanted to know about this Jesus guy and why he died for me and if he actually even cared about me at all. (Turns out he does and it is AWESOME).
So becoming a Christian has been amazing because it's not a religion so much as it is a relationship. A real, turbulent, complicated, beautiful relationship. But with that comes struggles, especially within the Christian community. I know I can't be the only girl out there that feels the way I do. And listen, I understand you must disagree with me or get angry or whatever, but this is my heart and my feelings and thoughts are real and valuable. And besides this is my blog and I'll DO WHAT I WANT DAMMIT.
Anyway....if you read my blog you know from my previous posts that I've always been loud and silly and ridiculous. It's who I am inside and it's the way God made me. This never, ever bothered me before I became a Christian. I loved making people laugh...I dreamed of growing up and doing it for a living. And then I became a Christian and slowly but surely I started to doubt myself. Isn't it strange how the enemy works? He knows our weaknesses and he strikes, but God is SO much bigger. And now that I'm 22 and done college and a lot of my friends are starting to get married and settle down, it just gets me thinking. I know I'm super young and I have my whole life to worry, but sometimes I can't help it. And lately I can't help but come home from hanging out with friends, or at work and I sit down and just when I'm about to go to sleep or shower I am flooded with ridiculous thoughts.
"You laugh too loud."
"You ARE too loud."
"You're not feminine."
"You eat a lot."
....that last one is one I think every girl thinks. But before y'all start being like, "Dang Nina, you saaadddd girrrl." It's not like that. I think a lot of us are flooded with these thoughts but sometimes we just try and hide them and get over it. But it's ridiculous that we overanalyze ourselves so much. Yesterday my mom sent me this prayer: