Sunday, April 29, 2012

Everyone's Engaged

After seeing countless facebook announcements and random people on the street wearing engagement rings, I decided to write a poem about my feelings towards it. Also, this poem was written while I did my laundry in a laundromat and drank a can of ginger ale and tweeted about a crazy man that took off his shirt in front of me...I'M A WINNER RIGHT?!

“Everyone’s Engaged”

Everyone’s engaged
This sucks real hard
It’s not like I’m ready myself
But I hope it’s not too far
Sure I can’t match my socks
And some days I don’t wash my hair
But I just wanna know there’s a guy out there somewhere
Everyone’s engaged
I’m gonna go cry
Eat icecream alone
Cuz that’s productive, right?
I’m really happy for everyone
Don’t think I’m lying,
Even if my insides feel like they’re frying.
I don’t even want to be engaged,
But shoot I’d like a ring
With a rock so big it breaks my wrist or something.
Everyone’s engaged
And I just think it’d be fun
Cuz fiancées can pay for stuff
Like my coffee addic-TION
See what I did there I can rhyme really well
Maybe a boy will think that’s pretty swell.
WHATEVER OKAY I’m over it.
It’s not like my ego or self worth is taking a hit.
Just chill out, okay?!!
Everyone’s engaged
Well not me, HURRAY.

Thursday, April 26, 2012


The other day I did something most people would consider unforgivable. If we were living in the realm of Harry Potter, I'd probably be sentenced to Azkaban. 

I saw Nicholas Sparks' The Lucky One.

Before everyone throws their copies of Tolstoy's Anna Karenina at my forehead, let me explain why I decided to spend 13.75 at the Arclight theatre in Hollywood the other sunny afternoon:

SLAY ME NOW!!!!! Did you hear that? That bomb-like sound in the distance? That was my ovaries exploding knowing I will never have Zac Efron's children. Ugh. Those arms! That scowl! THAT PICKUP TRUCK!

After I recovered from the blinding light of beauty that is Zefron, I sat there in the theatre and realized something. Nicholas Sparks is naive. Not because of his bizarre talent to write ridiculously addicting books that turn into even more addicting movies. He's naive because he's obviously never watched Criminal Minds. In the movie the main character, Beth, lives in Louisiana and works on her family's dog kennel/obedience school. And sure it's beautiful and serene and all country like where the sun sets at the perfect angle and you just want to drink lemonade and eat pecan pie....but it's also ISOLATED. And listen, maybe it's just my East Coast neurosis kicking in (Larry David would understand)...but I can't get around the fact that being secluded on a freaking farm is kind of CREEPY!!! And homegirl goes running in the early morning ALONE. Sure, she has a few dogs with her but UM NICHOLAS HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN A COLD OPENING OF CRIMINAL MINDS?

Listen, it's true. It's the perfect set up to get murdered. In my opinion, Sparks needs to sit down and watch back to back episodes of Spencer Reid and Derek Morgan investigating the minds of sickos who prey on women in Louisiana who run in the early morning with dogs. Because let me tell you, there ain't no Zac Efron in Criminal Minds. Nuh-uh. 

I get that isolated farmland is supposed to be romantic. And in a romance, definitely is. Who doesn't want a strapping young man with a sensitive side who looks like the big spoon but probably doesn't mind being little spoon every once in awhile doing your yard work and eating jambalaya with you in the evening? Ya dumb if you don't want that. BUT! It's also creepy. Take Zac Efron out of the equation. Take the sweet and slow guitar music out of the equation. What you get is a creepy old farm with a big old house and an episode of Criminal Minds.

COME ON NICHOLAS!!!!!!!!!!! 

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

things that make me so happy i could sprout a unicorn horn out of my forehead

There's no denying my love of pop music. There's no way I'm even close to being ashamed of it. How could I be ashamed of something that is so purely good? This is the thing y'all. I'm driving home from work. The SoCal sun be shinin' bright, I'm cruisin' in my 2003 Nissan Sentra AKA a ballin' whip, and Carly Rae comes on. HAVE YOU HEARD HER SONG YET? "Call Me Maybe" and One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful" ARE MY JAMS RIGHT NOW. Of course, there's always the classic "Dynamite" but's just the greatest feeling. I know I'm living in LA where everyone is super trendy and I should be listening to some obscure alternative band that isn't really "indie" but isn't "mainstream" and who is probably from like, Wales or Sweden or something, but I just don't care. I DON'T CARE I TELL YA, YA BIG LUGS! 

I probably shouldn't be writing about this because my mom reads my blog and then she'll know how much money I spend on froyo. It's kind of embarrassing. Lately I've been a lot better about it, but it's something about the craving that takes over me that renders me completely helpless. I like to call it "the hunger." The Hunger is what happens when I'm really thirsty and it's really hot outside and I pass Yogurtland. And all of a sudden I'm imaging the delicious PLAIN TART yogurt with strawberries, mochi balls and granola. This is the perfect combination; any deviation from this combination results in a tasteless, stupid treat. I feel very passionately about plain tart. Just see the name on my facebook in parenthesis. 

This really deserves an entire blog post of its own, but whatever. Last week I saw Titanic in 3D and when I say I sobbed, I MEAN I LITERALLY SOBBED. Like, sat in my seat and bawled for ten minutes after the movie ended, all the way to the bathroom and pretty much the entire ride home. I was not prepared for this y'all. And although you might be thinking, "How in the world does this constitute as being something so happy it could potentially cause you to turn into a unicorn?" Because it's the good kind of painful, the kind of weeping and heartbreak and soul-shatter that feels good in a magical, story kind of way. Do you understand what Titanic means for me? I grew up watching the movie. I saw it in theaters when I was still in elementary school. My whole family went and looking back now that seems super weird, but at the time it was amazing. Epic. 

And then when I was in high school I would listen to the soundtrack every night as I fell asleep. Also another thing that seems a little weird looking back, but at the time it was perfect. And you know what? It still is perfect to think about. As I sat there in the Paramount theatre, my high-tech 3D glasses firmly in place, tears of nostalgia running down my face, I was transported back to my old bedroom. To falling asleep every night to Enya's voice during that epic scene when Titanic sets sail. UGH! And then inevitably waking up in the middle of the night to that terrifying part of the soundtrack when the boat sinks....pretty scary, but still. I listened to the soundtrack as I read "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn" AKA "The Book That Will Shatter Your 15 Year Old Heart Into A Million Pieces." I think of these times with an old familiarity. Watching Titanic in 3D reminded me of who I am in a bizarre way. Of the truest form of myself--a super nerdy, outgoing, curly-haired, chubby little bookworm obsessed with reading and other time periods. You can read about my preoccupation with colonial times here. Anyway. I could go on and on about what Titanic means to me, but I'll end there or else I'll just end up sobbing forever.

I'll leave you all with this image as we are just a few short weeks away from the 1 year anniversary of the Royal Wedding!!!

Gosh I can't believe it's already been almost a year Big Willy! Lovez ya!!! xxx 

Sunday, April 8, 2012

there are no words

Today was the kind of long day that is gratifying and amazing and good. I am exhausted. I can't wait until I lay down in my bed, and yet my heart and my mind are both still reeling! First of all, I haven't updated this blog in awhile. That's mainly because we don't have internet in our least, not consistent internet. Most of the time it's not even a big deal, but I notice it hinders my blogging. Hopefully we'll get internet soon, but I'm kind of enjoying the break from social media (although my iPhone does nothing to help that......ADDICTIONNNNNN)


Today was breathtaking. Where could I possibly even begin? Today was Easter Sunday and it was amazing. If I had to spend Easter any other way besides with my family, I am glad it was the way it was today. 

Y'all, I am in awe. Sometimes I'll be driving down Wilshire or I'll be running along the ocean and I'll just have to stop and take everything in. I felt like today was just one big moment of stopping and taking it all in and wanting to fall down onto my knees. How could I possibly put into words how I feel? To know that Jesus Christ rose again....He is alive....He is I said, I'm pretty speechless.

Today there were moments that brought tears to my eyes. Seeing hundreds of people on their knees worshipping the Lord, complete joy radiating from their hearts. To be a part of's something I'll never forget. To be sitting alongside friends and praising Jesus...what a gift! A true and real and wonderful gift. UGH! It hurts my heart to just think about it.

Today I also got to witness four friends of mine get baptized....AND CAN YOU SAY I BAWLED LIKE A BABY????? From death to life sucka! Just kidding, but no seriously, IN JESUS WE GO FROM DEATH TO LIFE. I can'

 An Easter picture.... Kelsey, Ali and myself setting up for Reality LA's service. So blessed. 

The thing is, I will never forget the night I met Jesus Christ. Sitting in an open field under the stars of upstate New York.....I will never forget looking into the faces of those who loved Jesus and thinking to myself, "I want that. Whatever they have, that is what I want."

And sometimes it can be really scary....I am ashamed to admit that sometimes I care so much about what people think of me. Sometimes I want so badly to run through the streets screaming, "I LOVE JESUS, OKAY?!?!?!?!?!" and yet I am so afraid! And it is so stupid because this life is just the blink of an eye, and Jesus conquered DEATH. That is HUGE! And I believe this so why wouldn't I want to share it with everyone??

Gosh, this post is so fragmented but that is how it always is when I haven't blogged for awhile....I am just feeling so full. It makes me cry to think of just a few months ago. Chanelle and I out here with nothing. No job, no car, no friends. And to sit in church today next to people who know and love me....then to drive home in my own be sitting here, with a roof over my head. To have a mother who loves me enough to believe in me and let me take that wild leap of faith out here.....don't you see how overwhelming it all is?

 As I sat on the beach yesterday in Santa Monica, I thought, "I don't deserve to be here." I immediately thought of my mom and how hard she works and has worked her entire life. She would do anything for my sisters and I and works harder than anyone I know so I can pursue my dreams....she deserves to be on the beach, not me. But then I realized, well of course I don't deserve it. And that's why I'm not living for this life at all, but for something greater. And I can't wait for the day when my mom is out here with me and all my family can just somehow be together in the same state.

It's been a crazy few weeks but God is teaching me so much and everyday I am so, so thankful. ALSO WAIT I DIDN'T EVEN BLOG ABOUT THE FACT THAT IS SAW TITANIC IN 3D.....OKAY THAT WILL BE THE NEXT BLOG. GOOD NIGHT. UGH NOW I'M JUST GOING TO GO DREAM ABOUT JACK DAWSON.............