I feel like I just experienced a hurricane of a weekend, if hurricanes were filled with love, truth, familiarity and a sensible dose of bittersweet. I am grateful for this time to detox. To sit down and finally breathe.
As I drove West on Wilshire* on Thursday, the sun reflected sparkling buildings to my left and right, my body was tense in my car, my back aching as I hunched over the steering wheel, desperate to be home and out of my work clothes and relaxed. Even as the beautiful California sky fell down into a pink blush sunset, my heart was heavy. That morning I had said bye to my little sister and my best friend, Rebecca. Saying goodbye never gets easier no matter how many times you do it.
*does West on Wilshire not sound like the best hipster California band name ever?!! COME ON!
The thing is, I should be used to it. I should be used to saying goodbye to my family and my friends since I've been doing it since I graduated high school. First, moving to New York City for college. Then moving out here to LA. But the truth is it pretty much never gets easier. It will never be easy to say goodbye to this:
It'll never be easy not being in the presence of Rebecca and Christina and my mom. But I feel like I blog about that all the time, and lately God has put it on my heart to be grateful. If I continually dwell on what I miss, I lose sight of why I miss it, which is actually a huge blessing and I should be filled with indescribable joy.
So I am trying to every day recognize the small celebrations in my life. I feel like that was a gift Rebecca gave to me while she was visiting; a reminder to remember the "small celebrations." For instance this morning -
Mmm. Sitting in a quiet cafe in the early morning, sipping a vanilla latte. Feeling the coziness that hits me all the way to my toes. Reading God's Word, filling my mind with truth.
Also tonight. The small celebration of going for a run at sunset, the beauty of the pink and purple sky, majestic and huge and humbling. Running without any music, hearing my pulse and the uneven breathing, imagining my lungs inside my body and how grateful I am for the air that fills them. A simple run at sunset is a gift. If you think I'm being sappy, you suck. Just kidding. But seriously....why don't we think like this all the time?
How often do you feel overwhelmed? I feel overwhelmed every single day. So many awful thoughts swim through my mind.... I don't like my apartment. Wish I had a nicer car. My hair is ugly. I'm too fat. Not tall enough. Not talented. Lonely. I need to grocery shop. I need to clean. I have student loans. STRESS. How many times do we dwell in these strange lies that just frustrate us?
We need to just understand every day is a gift and we should enjoy it. The smell of the grass when you walk along the lawn of a home. The fact that okay, yes, I have student loans but that's only because I have an education. THAT IS AMAZING.
Lord, that's my prayer this week. To focus on your blessings and to calm down and celebrate the tiny moments in life that so often I am blind to.