Monday, February 27, 2012

How To Be The Best Wingwoman Ever




Bffz right there. They are probs the best wingwomen to each other EVAH!

Some guys are really great at being wingmen, but I think girls have a lot to learn. To be honest, a lot of girls just suck at being wingwomen for their friends. This just can't be possible! We need to change this! REVOLUTION.

I would like to think I am a good wingwoman, mainly because when I'm out with friends and they're trying to get their mack on, I have no problem with dancing on my own. I have really sick moves, most of which are slightly frantic and probably intimidating to men, so I never have to worry about skeevey guys hitting on me. I'm too busy simultaneously doing the robot while trying to Irish jig the way Jack does in Titanic AND do the worm....backward. 


Yeah, that's me looking all cool and collected before I freaking BUST A MOVE while my friends be getting their game on. 

But there is the rare occasion where I am the one in need of a wingwoman and can I just say I think there needs to be some sort of ground rules for this? And my friends who are reading this, hold me accountable! If I'm not being a good wingwoman, call me out. 

I think the main golden rule is this: If you're not willing to look like a complete weirdo in front of the cute guy I'm trying to talk to, you are the worst wingwoman ever and probably don't have a soul. Especially if you're a cute girl, and since every girl is cute in her own way, you're probably the worst wingwoman ever. Unless you aren't and put on a fake mustache or do that thing where it looks like you don't have any lips or start talking to yourself....in that case, you got it girl.

The thing is people, who wants a wingwoman who isn't ready to make a complete fool of herself so her friend can look infinitely better and thus catch the eye of a guy? All I'm saying is, if my friend wants to talk to a guy, I'm not going to act all cute and flirt myself and be charming. UGH NO! I'm going to talk in a weird accent or be obnoxious. So many girls try to "help their friends out" by being like, "Oh, I'll go talk to him for you!" and then they are the ones who end up having a like, fifteen minute conversation and are laughing all daintily and walk away with a number. Uh-uh. 

Here is an example of a bad wingwoman conversation with a guy while your friend is in line for drinks or whatever:

Bad Wingwoman: Hey!
Guy: Supppppppppp.
BWW: Gosh it's chilly in here, don't you think? I was just telling my friend it's cold in here. My friend over there.
Guy: You're cold? Want my jacket? What's your name? Let's hang, you're cute, so cute and charming and cold I completely don't even remember you saying you had a friend over there, the one you barely mentioned to me!
BWW: We should totes hang.

Here is a good wingwoman conversation:

Good Wingwoman: Hey!
Guy: Suppppppppp.
Good Wingwoman: AGHBAI! Adkfjak;dskfj. Eeeeeek. BOO!
Guy: Umm....
Good Wingwoman: MY FRIEND IS SUPER BEAUTIFUL AND HAS A GREAT HEART, LOVES KIDS AND VOLUNTEERS YOU SHOULD DATE HER I SUCK PRETTY MUCH.
Guy: Awesome! Thanks, you're the best wingwoman ever.
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As my friend, I want to know that you are willing to look foolish so I can look better. Am I right, or am I right? That is the mark of a true friend. And I'm willing to do the same for you. I'm willing to leave a piece of food in my teeth or not pluck my eyebrows for like, a week if you need me to be the best wingwoman I can be.

Of course, ya can't help true love. So say you are my friend and are chatting it up with Leo DiCaprio and I happen to be there and just HAPPEN to dazzle him with my winning personality and ridiculous good looks, well....I guess there are exceptions to every rule.....


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2 comments:

  1. haha just let it be known that some guys can wingman but guys will also take what they can get.

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  2. girl, i can totally relate.

    ReplyDelete