Monday, February 27, 2012

How To Be The Best Wingwoman Ever




Bffz right there. They are probs the best wingwomen to each other EVAH!

Some guys are really great at being wingmen, but I think girls have a lot to learn. To be honest, a lot of girls just suck at being wingwomen for their friends. This just can't be possible! We need to change this! REVOLUTION.

I would like to think I am a good wingwoman, mainly because when I'm out with friends and they're trying to get their mack on, I have no problem with dancing on my own. I have really sick moves, most of which are slightly frantic and probably intimidating to men, so I never have to worry about skeevey guys hitting on me. I'm too busy simultaneously doing the robot while trying to Irish jig the way Jack does in Titanic AND do the worm....backward. 


Yeah, that's me looking all cool and collected before I freaking BUST A MOVE while my friends be getting their game on. 

But there is the rare occasion where I am the one in need of a wingwoman and can I just say I think there needs to be some sort of ground rules for this? And my friends who are reading this, hold me accountable! If I'm not being a good wingwoman, call me out. 

I think the main golden rule is this: If you're not willing to look like a complete weirdo in front of the cute guy I'm trying to talk to, you are the worst wingwoman ever and probably don't have a soul. Especially if you're a cute girl, and since every girl is cute in her own way, you're probably the worst wingwoman ever. Unless you aren't and put on a fake mustache or do that thing where it looks like you don't have any lips or start talking to yourself....in that case, you got it girl.

The thing is people, who wants a wingwoman who isn't ready to make a complete fool of herself so her friend can look infinitely better and thus catch the eye of a guy? All I'm saying is, if my friend wants to talk to a guy, I'm not going to act all cute and flirt myself and be charming. UGH NO! I'm going to talk in a weird accent or be obnoxious. So many girls try to "help their friends out" by being like, "Oh, I'll go talk to him for you!" and then they are the ones who end up having a like, fifteen minute conversation and are laughing all daintily and walk away with a number. Uh-uh. 

Here is an example of a bad wingwoman conversation with a guy while your friend is in line for drinks or whatever:

Bad Wingwoman: Hey!
Guy: Supppppppppp.
BWW: Gosh it's chilly in here, don't you think? I was just telling my friend it's cold in here. My friend over there.
Guy: You're cold? Want my jacket? What's your name? Let's hang, you're cute, so cute and charming and cold I completely don't even remember you saying you had a friend over there, the one you barely mentioned to me!
BWW: We should totes hang.

Here is a good wingwoman conversation:

Good Wingwoman: Hey!
Guy: Suppppppppp.
Good Wingwoman: AGHBAI! Adkfjak;dskfj. Eeeeeek. BOO!
Guy: Umm....
Good Wingwoman: MY FRIEND IS SUPER BEAUTIFUL AND HAS A GREAT HEART, LOVES KIDS AND VOLUNTEERS YOU SHOULD DATE HER I SUCK PRETTY MUCH.
Guy: Awesome! Thanks, you're the best wingwoman ever.
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As my friend, I want to know that you are willing to look foolish so I can look better. Am I right, or am I right? That is the mark of a true friend. And I'm willing to do the same for you. I'm willing to leave a piece of food in my teeth or not pluck my eyebrows for like, a week if you need me to be the best wingwoman I can be.

Of course, ya can't help true love. So say you are my friend and are chatting it up with Leo DiCaprio and I happen to be there and just HAPPEN to dazzle him with my winning personality and ridiculous good looks, well....I guess there are exceptions to every rule.....


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Sunday, February 26, 2012

what i need to remember

I need to remember....

I need to remember that comparison is the thief of joy. In a world where status is everything, where a beautiful room can spurn out jealousy I thought I've hidden, where a beautiful girl can make me avoid mirrors for days, in a world where loans and finances and car payments and rent money are constant fixtures in my anxiety, I need to remember the good and the real. 

The good

The sound of Ariel's voice in Little Mermaid. How the singing can transport me to being with my family in Philadelphia, with my little sisters and laughing and running in the snow and falling down and laughing so hard we can't catch our breath. 

The real - 

Eternity is so much longer than the fleeting moment that is life here on Earth. Life here isn't going to be easy. God never promised us an easy life. At the end of mine, when my Savior calls me home, I'm not going to care about whether I had new furniture or not. I'm not going to care about how many people follow me on twitter, whether people think I'm funny, whether I ever fall in love or not. It is easy to become consumed with the stuff of life; to want want want. To want nice things, to want to be "important" - it is so easy to forget what Jesus did for me. That I already have all that can satisfy my soul. 


The good - 


Latte art and the quiet, calm of being in a bustling cafe. The joy of being one person in one room with other people who I don't know. The blessing it is to be able to enjoy a cup of coffee, to really sit down and smell it and taste it and feel the effects of it - the cozy happiness that just makes me feel good. 


The real - 


I am not alone. We are not alone. Even though sometimes it feels like we are, even though there are moments of loneliness, it is one of the greatest lies in the world. And it's so easy to just say, "Oh, I know God is with me. He's with me all the time." But to actually believe it? That's another thing. Why is it so easy to be bogged down with insecurities but so hard to believe in truth?


The good - 


Laughter with friends. The dizzy, silly feeling of laughing so hard your head starts spinning and you forget where you are. The deep belly-ache of laughing, that moment when everything just becomes funny and you have no idea why. 

The real - 


Sometimes, like today for me, you find yourself sitting alone in the middle of lunch rush hour in Paquito Mas and bawling your eyes out as you're on the phone with your mom. Sometimes you have these moments and you're just thinking, "How did I get here?" But you have to let them go. I have to let them go and know that it's okay and sometimes it happens. I'm in such a weird place in my life right now - have you ever gotten into that season of life where you crave being younger? The other night I had a strange dream that I hugged my 5 year old self. It was the weirdest and sweetest dream.


I looked at my five year old self and it was bittersweet - I felt like I was looking at a stranger. Like I didn't know who that little girl was anymore. Do you ever feel like sometimes you just don't know yourself anymore? This is something I've been wrestling with the past few months. It's so weird when you feel like a stranger to yourself.


The good - 


A smile from a little baby in passing. The fleeting butterflies and heart-melting that go along with just walking down the street and meeting the eyes of a little baby slung across their mother's shoulder, and the little baby just giving you the biggest smile. I love these moments. Babies are really good at loving naturally and freely. Let's love like babies.


On that note, Happy Sunday.






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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Rock Bottom or 'Eating Subway alone in my car while Oasis plays on the radio'

When I used to imagine myself hitting rock bottom, I imagined it to be something artistic and indie-movie-esque. I'm going to glaze over the fact that yes, I have thought about myself hitting rock bottom because if you haven't pictured yourself one day just losing your mind, you are a liar. So when I think of the montage of my life and get to the part right before I meet the man of my dreams and fall in love, the part where I hit rock bottom, I like to think of it as something along the lines of me holed up in a my exposed brick studio apartment, wearing a long T-shirt and no pants, my hair messy but still attractive, smudged black eyeliner and drinking coffee while staring out my window, wondering where my life is going. Kinda the way Shannyn Sossamon looks in 'Wristercutters: A Love Story.' Edgy but still totally hot.



This has not and will not happen. 

Instead it's more like what I realized last night. There's only so many times a girl can eat Subway alone in her car before she realizes, "Oh my gosh. I've hit rock bottom at 22." Also instead of looking like the beautifully troubled Shannyn, I more closely resemble another woman of near the same name.


Rock bottom. I am more Mary Catherine Gallagher than I probably care to admit. 

It didn't help that Oasis was crooning on my radio. It didn't help that Liam Gallagher's whiny voice was penetrating my soul as I devoured my 6 inch toasted turkey/ranch/avocado on wheat. It hit me at once: Is this where I am right now? Seriously? Eating Subway, alone, in my car, blaring Oasis? THERE HAS TO BE MORE THAN THIS TO LIFE.

Ahh, I feel the glares now. Of everyone who is older than me and is rolling their eyes at my dramatics. Good thing I don't care at all about what you think and this is my blog and I get to indulge in my dramatics. 

But let me finish. After my moment of self-pity, I checked myself. I asked myself, "Am I unhappy right now?" I waited, paused for the prickle of tears that were surely not far behind, but it never came. And I realized I was actually pretty happy. For one, I was eating Subway and if you eat Subway you have to be happy or else you don't have a soul. For another thing, I was sitting in my car. MY CAR!!!!!! Do you know how wonderful it is to have a car? How many blogs did I dedicate months ago to the trials and tribulations of walking everywhere in LA? What a miracle! I have a vehicle. A working, wonderful Nissan that I named Prongs after James Potter's patronus and I love it so much. And then there was Oasis, which actually was probably the only depressing part of the situation but it's so easy to change the radio station.

LISTEN PEOPLE. 

I'm not like, being a cheerleader for life and all that crap. I'm just saying. Next time you are sitting there thinking, "Ugh, what am I DOING with my life? Why am I still on an air mattress? Why am I single and all my friends be datin'?! Why did Jay-Z and Beyonce name their baby Blue Ivy and not Ivy Blue?" Just take a minute to check yourself. Breathe. And try to understand that there are a thousand miracles in one day and we just have to open our eyes to see them. 



Saturday, February 18, 2012

"We Be Muggin" - ways to improve an otherwise rather boring day.

Delirium is my favorite thing in the entire whole, wide world. It's that moment that sets in after a long day when you're exhausted and hungry and your hair has started to frizz and you just don't care anymore and a thousand and one things are racing through your mind:

"What should I eat for dinner?"

"Should I cook?"

"I should buy groceries."

"Ugh, laundry."

"What do you think Tim Tebow is doing right now?"

"Do you think he's wondering where his future wife could be and if she happens to be young and full of hopes and dreams and also maybe in a little (lot) of college debt?"

"What should I eat for dinner?"

I know that you know that we all know that we've all been there. Delirium is my favorite because it brings about silliness and the only thing I love more than frantic and wonderful dancing is being silly. Being silly can completely cure a cranky mood or a boring day. So here's a little list of ways to improve those Monday Blues or mid-week blues or late Saturday afternoon blues when you're just tired and ready to go out later. I think we should all be delirious more often. In the ever eloquent words of one Ke$ha

"I'm so sick of being so serious,
it's making my brain delirious!"

Amen sistah friend.


WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR KIND-OF BORING DAY AND TO MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY

1. Put Mugs On Your Hands

Have you ever done this before? Well I did it for the first time the other day after a long day of work and it was very fun. I've been working at Paramount Pictures for a few weeks now and it is SO great. The other day after working one of the shows, "The Doctors" we got free Doctors mugs. I immediately stuck them on my hands because WHO DOESN'T LOVE A GIRL WITH MUG HANDS?! I know I do! People with mugs for hands is funny. It's not quite as serious as a hook for hands which is pretty creepy, and it's lighter than prosthetic hands because no one has mugs for hands! So if you find yourself mid way through the day and you haven't even laughed once, go to the coffee cabinet, find some mugs and stick those babies on your hands! Wahh-lahh. You can't help but giggle. 

2. Dance

Y'all know how much I love dancing. You can read about it here. Dancing is my favorite! Last night at the Grove it was a Mardi Gras celebration and there was DANCING. 



Mmm. Mardi Gras.

The dancing was beyond fun, it was SUPER fun. We not only busted one move but several in fact. Dancing brings people together. We made friends, danced until we felt like we were gonna puke, and I even got groped by a possibly homeless woman who could cut a RUG! AKA it was a party, people. I don't care if there isn't any music. I don't care if you're alone. DANCE. Move your limbs. Let loose. You will feel so much better afterward. After a long week, dancing outside to Rick James outside with twinkle lights and strangers and smiles was A BLAST. It was perfect. 

3. Sing Your Words

This one is really easy and perfect in the work place. You know when you're just tired and people are being cranky and you just want to go home and curl up on the couch and watch a good movie? That's when you bust at the singing. I'm not talking about like, busting out in a song, all Glee-like. We want to avoid most things Glee here at The Good Girl. I'm talking about singing sentences, interspersed with normal conversation. It's fun. As a page, I give directions to people a lot because 1. People don't seem to understand what "continue this way" means and 2. People don't seem to understand what "continue this way" means. So what I like to do is be like "That way to the .... BaaaathrroooOoooooommmm!" And give a few high notes to "bathroom".... It's great. Usually people are so confused that they either glare at you or look at you like, "Aww, poor little weirdo" but actually, it's me who gets the last laugh because who doesn't love confusing people?!!! 

* * * 

 I hope my little list will brighten your gloomier than usual days. On a different note, I've totally been sucking at this blogging thing. I apologize. Life is CRAY...ain't it Jay? But seriously. I am so blessed and so grateful for not only my new job at Paramount but for each day I wake up. I am trying to take each day at a time and not be overwhelmed with stress. And I promise to update more. 

EVERYONE HAVE A WONDERFUL LONG WEEKEND AND PUT SOME MUGS ON YOUR HANDS.

Love ya, ya big lugs.