I completely lied about that last post. You'll have to wait until further notice for my parenting blog & concerns for the "Juice Fast Generation."
On a different note, last night I had my first improv performance at the Upright Citizens Brigrade theatre here in LA! It was SO.MUCH.FUN. And pretty much confirmation that I can't see myself doing anything else with my life besides comedy. Performing, writing, breathing comedy. The adrenaline rush of being in front of an audience and making people laugh literally gets me high and was so amazing! Very grateful for my friends here who came out and supported me. Ya big lugs. (You know who you are).
The green room before our show. I was probably close to vomiting at this point from nerves. Nothing like a little healthy pre-show-puke.
On a DIFFERENT note, I recently finished Mindy Kaling's delightful book, "Is Everybody Hanging Out Without Me?" It was a quick, wonderful, amusing, inspiring, hilarious read. And it was perfect being that it was written by a woman in comedy and I am a woman pursuing a career in comedy. Anyway, Mindy has one chapter where she talks about her revenge fantasies while she jogs. I have similar fantasies, but they aren't "revenge" ones. When I run, I fantasize about future movie trailers I'll star in. So I decided to share a few of my faves with you.
^_^ Google image: blubber runner. Don't ask me why I google imaged this. I just did and yanno I'M NOT SORRY.
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Movie Trailer Fantasies While I Blubber Run
1. The Romantic Comedy Where I'm The Opposite of the Best Friend AKA I'm the STAR
This one happens when Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are" comes on my running playlist, or Jason Derulo0o0o, or the Biebzmaster. Poppy songs immediately make me think of romcoms, which make me think of which one I'd love to be in. So in this movie trailer daydream, I'm opposite a cute and hilarious leading man. Think Donald Glover from Community:
or Ben Schwartz from Parks & Rec & a bunch of other stuff I love:
Ugh, the hair, just slay me now.
Anyway, in this RomCom movie called "Peep Year" I play the down-on-her-luck NYC writer whose grandmother recently passed away and in her will left me her chick farm in upstate NYC. I begrudgingly take over the farm in hopes of just selling it and making a profit. Donald or Ben or some other suave funny guy is my gmom's next door neighbor and we haven't seen each other since childhood and who loves the farm with his pure, genuine heart (bless him). Throw in a villain in the likes of Rainn Wilson who just wants to absorb the farm, a mean boyfriend of mine to add in a love triangle played by someone douchey like Chase Crawford and wahh-lahh! We got ourselves a trailer! I fall in love with the farm and see how wrong my intentions are, don't sell it, fall in love with the neighborman I haven't see in forever, and whaddya know? The chicks hatch at the end of the trailer and symbolize my cold exterior morphing into a soft, fuzzy country gal. BAM. Might as well just put up our poster (me in a business suit looking charmingly agitated with Donald or Ben behind me with one eyebrow raised holding a chick.) IT'S GOLD PEOPLE.
2. The I Kick Butt Movie Where My Legs Look Awesome And Guys Are Scared Of Me
This is one of my fave movie trailers to fantasize about when I'm running because it motivates me to keep working out. It is usually influenced by a rap song or a rock song and it makes me feel so badass. This movie is one where I'm a woman with a tortured past, probably family members killed or something totally NOT cliche like that. There's a dusty road--I wear cowboy boots but I'm NOT a cowgirl, my legs just look SICK in those boots. It's all dusty, I glare at the camera a lot and there's a lot of kicking and crouching and a half-Asian male lead who is enamored of me but we are bitter enemies. Add in a car chase, hand-to-hand combat with my father's killer, a shot of me behind a flame of fire and put my hair in a long side-braid and BAM! Move over Rooney Mara, that's all I have to say about that.
Okay not many people can compare to her level of fierceness. Her and Beyonce should have a fierce-off that's all I'm saying.
3. The Indie Movie Where I Wear A Dress Over Jeans and Drive In A Car For Many Miles
Can't even deny I love this trailer. Can you guess what kind of music influences THIS one? Dr. Dog, Frightened Rabbit, Fleet Foxes. I'm wearing a hoodie with a dress, jeans and converse the entire movie. I bite my lip often and have a back-pack. I'm opposite someone like Andrew Garfield who wants to do something low-key after Spiderman. Olivia Thirlby is my go-to quirky BFF. There's a lot of scenes of Andrew and I laughing and cuddling on a fire-escape in an unnamed urban city. There's a shot of us fighting, screaming, I'm wearing his shirt and he's painting in his studio apartment. We make up and fight again as the banjo and guitar and mandolin are playing furiously in the trailer. I wear smudged eye makeup & every guy who sees the movie and wears vans and skinny jeans falls in love with me & my deadpan humor but vulnerability. The movie will be called something like "The Shoelace Bracelets" or "Vagabond Blue" and will generally confused audiences and we'll get a screening at the Cannes film festival but won't be wide-released but ugh GROSS who wants that anyway?
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Of course I have a plethora of fake movie-trailers in my head and all of them are BRILLIANT so if there's any producers out there reading this, I really think we could make something amazing, ya know?!