Thursday, January 12, 2012

Frequently Asked Questions That No One Ever Asks Me


Here is where I divulge all of my best-kept secrets that no one ever wonders about. Are you ready for this juicy post?!

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You have such an average figure. What's your work-out secret?!

Well world, I drink a Starbucks latte almost everyday. I run at a slow to moderate pace for about an hour and trick myself into thinking I'm burning like 1,000 calories. Sometimes I eat til I feel sick, and don't forget the most important part! Eating at a rapid pace, it's key in keeping this average figure of mine.

How do you find time to watch Season 1 of Downton Abbey, avoid cleaning your apartment, and blog? You seem to do it all!

Don't let me fool you, I don't have it all together! The key is procrastinating. I've spent years upon years cultivating the exact level of procrastination so I can survive in the real world but manage to glide past normal adult responsibilities. Here's a little priority list if you wanna be a grade A procrastinator like myself: 
1. Always make time for period dramas. They are important to the well-being of any 22 year old single female, and they make me feel a lot better about my life when I'm watching servants pluck chickens and eat brothy soup for every meal. Suddenly my constant diet of grilled cheese doesn't seem half bad!
2. There's always another day to do laundry. This is pretty self explanatory.
3. Ask yourself the question, "Will my whole world fall a part if I don't do this right now? If the answer is anywhere from, "Ummm" to "Well, not right away" THEN YOU ARE TOTALLY GOLDEN.
4. Tweet excessively. It's obviously really important that people know my inner monologue. Duh.

You talk about cuddling and cats a lot. It's a little weird and/or disconcerting. Don't you ever feel like a freak?
If you don't like cats or cuddling or CUDDLING WITH CATS I'm pretty sure you don't have a soul.

Now that I think about it, you talk about Harry Potter a lot too. That seems unhealthy.
I thought these were questions. Also, how is this a conversation? ALSO HOW ARE YOU AN "I?"

Your pet cactus is so cute, how can you handle that responsibility?
I know, Pricky Ricky is adorable. Sometimes I just gaze lovingly at him. But sometimes he can be such a prick. I'm not trying to curse here, literally, sometimes he pricks me and it really hurts :-/ Having a pet cactus is hard work, it's not just for anyone!

If you had to choose between Justin Bieber and Zac Efron, who would you pick?
This is such a dilemma, I get this all the time and you know, I always have trouble answering! It's like, Justin Bieber is sparkly and like a cupcake, but he confuses me. I never know if I want to push him around in a stroller or take him on a date. And then I think about our wedding and I think what it'd be like to carry him down the aisle. It's just such a complicated feeling toward him. On the other hand, Zac Efron is carved out of sunshine. 

Your music taste is super cool. Where do you find your favorite bands?
A good Disney soundtrack is key to AN'Y music aficionado's playlist. Obviously I love fiddle and banjo solos. And if Justin Bieber is on the track, it's going to be 398490-382940-83290-483290-482309-84023840-92380-423 times better. I don't even know if that's a number, that looks scary.

How can someone learn to do the worm backwards like you can? It's so impressive!
You just gotta go for it! At first you might resemble a flopping, dying fish, but eventually you'll get the hang of it and wow all your friends and family at all times.

How do you get your hair to frizz at just the right moment, like when you see a cute guy or go on an important interview?
Some girls just walk in the light, ya know?! I think my hair has a mind of its own, so it knows when to betray me. We're working it out, me and my hair. I'll keep ya updated on how it goes.

Favorite comedy?

Favorite drama?
Twilight. Not because of the movie, but usually there is drama involved between me & a rabid fangirl & you know what I say BRING IT ON.

Favorite thing to watch or read that makes you want to stab your eyelids out?

One last Frequently Asked Question from the vague demographic that asks these Frequently Asked Questions. Why do you think Rose didn't move over on the door for Jack?
This question haunts me forever, how could you ask this? YOU ARE SO INSENSITIVE. 


  1. "Favorite comedy?
    Twilight." hahahaha mine too!

    I've never heard of Downtown Abbey until this semester when my professor mentioned it, and it turns out to have a huge international following! I definitely need to pick up on that. I wonder if it's on the PBS website or something. Anyway, this post was absolutely hilarious; thanks for posting it! I really enjoyed reading it, as I do with all of your blogs. :)

    P.S. Zac Efron really IS carved out of sunshine. He's so beautiful it's almost painful.

  2. I thought the same thing about Rose and Jack in Titanic. There was plenty of room for both of them on the door.

  3. ok...hey Nina. It's Amelia...that girl you work with :) I have an answer to your question about Rose and Jack. If you remember he totally tried to get on the door, but it couldn't hold both of their weights. It started to sink so he told Rose to stay on while he froze to death. So simple ;)

  4. I just found your blog and I have no idea who you are...we are perfect strangers but I feel like we would totally be best friends in the real world. Sincerely, a fellow cat-loving, tea-sipping, Harry Potter-admiring individual. P.S. your posts are so hilarious and I also call my ex "he who must not be named".