I'm in the middle of cleaning my apartment, but I wanted to pause to get this blog-post out. It's something that has been on my heart for the past few days & it can no longer sit inside my head. Anyway--
Life after college is extremely confusing as is being in my early 20s. It's weird to say that - "early 20s" - part of me still feels the same way I did at 18, and yet I look back on the last few years of my life and I've changed so much. It's a gradual process where one day I wake up and look back and think, "Goodness, I've changed." And it's a good thing. Anyway, back to this confusion. I recently read a wonderful article by Shauna Niequist What To Know When You're 25 (ish). One line stuck out to me in particular -
"Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from the good-enough, in search of can't-live-without." Shauna wrote this under a paragraph about relationships, but it gave me so much peace about my life. That is exactly where I find myself in this moment. Before I made the move to Los Angeles, I had been accepted to a Creative Writing Master's program back home. I had the opportunity to stay in my warm and safe environment with the security of pursuing a Master's degree. Sure, it wasn't a school I was crazy about or dreamt of going to, but it made sense because it was easily commutable from home. I could save money living in my family's house, buy a car, get more plugged into the church I loved--I would be surrounded by friends and family and yes, there would be challenges but it would be safe.
But God doesn't call us to live safe lives. I believe God provides blessings and community, but God also calls us into uncomfortable places. God wasn't calling me to a place of stability just yet--maybe one day He will, but I knew in my heart God was calling me to move to LA. And it is more than just my dreams about pursuing a career in the arts - because I know, deep down, if God leads me somewhere else I am going to go there. I loved this quote by Shauna because it made me realize that it is okay to not have everything together yet. Going to that graduate program would have been the good-enough. It would definitely have been good, but it's not where the cry of my heart was leading me. And that is SCARY. It's funny. If I had known what that first month and a half would have been like here in LA before I moved here, I don't think I would have gone through with it. But God is so faithful. I get teary just thinking about it. About how Chanelle and I moved here with NOTHING. I had very little money in the bank. No car. No job. No house. But God PROVIDES. I didn't do anything. God provided two jobs for me. God provided an amazing church, community, fellowship. God provided an apartment. I may not have a car yet, but God is paving the path toward that and it is amazing. I got my California driver's license! I applied to a graduate school. God is AMAZING. It's not me doing any of that, it is completely the Lord.
If I had stayed home, I would have wondered my whole entire life what would have happened had I moved out here. I would have always been searching for the can't-live-without. It is important to surrender my life to God and allow Him to shape me and my path. It is also important to recognize the passions and gifts God has given me. I think to what makes my heart alive and what I see myself doing for the rest of my life. I know I love serving the Lord on a team of fellow believers. I know I love making people laugh and I love performing and the adrenaline rush that comes with being on stage or in front of a camera. I know I love writing. I know these things and I give them to God and He can do with them what He wants.
If we don't go after the can't-live-without now, when will we? I don't think you have to be in your twenties to go after it. I think we can go after it whenever we want. Why are we so afraid to?