Monday, December 12, 2011

the diary of a stressed out kid & a still stressed out kind-of adult

Things that gave me major anxiety-induced heart palpitations as a child & pretty much still do now.
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If you don't suffer from nosebleeds you are basically one of the luckiest people in the world. Do you know what it's like to have had consistent nosebleeds your entire life? Terrible! I have to always make sure I have tissues and you can sense it--you can literally feel it in your nose when it's coming. Ugh, it's the worst. Also, when you're in class, you have to make sure you sit near the door if a nosebleed should befall you in the MIDDLE of said class. That has happened before and let me tell you, it's pretty embarrassing. Especially in 8th grade science class. I had the creepiest, meanest, most temperamental science teacher and literally used to freak the heck out thinking of the scenario of a nosebleed happening. Talk about stress for a thirteen year old! Guys, I was a mess. Imagine me, 13 years old. Braces. Thinking black eyeliner looked good without mascara or basically any other makeup products on my face. Crazy, curly hair. My eyes darting to the door as I flare my nostrils in anticipation of the impending doom. I can't concentrate on science--I don't even know what 8th grade science entails. All I know is my heart is racing for an entire 80 minutes because I'm worrying so much about my exit should a nosebleed occur.

8th grade was a traumatic year.

Going to the bathroom in the middle of church
Ugh, this is the WORST!!!! I'm plagued with a small bladder. I've even had the nickname, "Tiny Tank" given to me at one point in my life. Too much information? YIKES! But seriously. I have to pee ALL. THE. TIME. I like to think of it as both my blessing and my curse. The blessing part I'm still waiting on (although, it has helped me to have a knowledge of the best public restrooms out there) but I definitely understand the "cursed" part. This tiny bladder issue has produced in me a deep-seeded fear of sitting in the middle of a row of seats...ESPECIALLY AT CHURCH! Just imagine sitting there in the middle of an AMAZING message but you can't concentrate because you're afraid you're going to throw up from how badly you have to pee. Your eyes dart down the aisle at all the comfy, squished people enjoying the message. You think about what the Pastor will think about you when he sees you sneaking off in the middle of the message (I'm pretty sure he doesn't notice, but still IT'S THE FEAR!) You think about how even though you're at church and no one is supposed to judge you THEY ARE ALL GOING TO JUDGE THE GIRL WHO FLEES THE ROOM BECAUSE SHE HAS TO PEE. I always try my best to sit at the end of the aisle so if it comes to it, I can just sneak away. A rough deal guys.

Memories of the middle school bus
It's kind of like that scene in "Sixteen Candles" when Molly Ringwald still has to take the dreaded bus home from school, except I was the frightened little girl huddled in the corner and not the cool sixteen year old that Molly Ringwald was. In middle school, I was the only kid at my bus stop. On the way home it was great, because the awesome bus driver used to just drop me off right in front of my house. We had a little camaraderie, me and that bus driver. He was a dumpling of a man. But anyways. Ask my mom or sisters--I used to have panic attacks in the morning. Not only was I the only kid at my bus stop, BUT I WAS THE LAST BUS STOP GUYS. Do you know the horror?!!? The horror and fright of getting on a completely packed bus stop and frantically praying that there is an empty seat somewhere very close to the front of the bus? This was back in middle school when I didn't have good friends yet and my "best friend" wouldn't save me a seat and quell my anxiety. This seat anxiety carried over into high school on the first full day of school every year when we had to figure out where to seat at lunch. Secretly I LOVED the assigned seating in middle school in the cafeteria because, guess what? NO STRESS! Who cares if I didn't sit with my friends? At least I had a designated seat. I could even take my time down to lunch because I knew I had a seat waiting. Ahhh, brilliance.

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It's funny to think of how I was such a stressed out kid, and how I still get pretty anxious. At least now I can handle it a little better. And at least I don't have to take the schoolbus anymore, although the memories still haunt me. *shudders*

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1 comment:

  1. My husband gets nosebleeds all the time. I never would have thought it was so bad until I met him.