1. Carrying laundry
I'm usually a pretty normal kinda girl. No klutzy habits, pretty steady on my feet (blame it on my solid Puerto Rican frame.....awesome). But I realized today that as I carried my laundry up and down from my apartment I probably resembled this:
minus the crown and awesome freaking staff.
I seriously probably scared off all my neighbors and surrounding passerby. Not to say the Hunchback of Notre Dame here is scary, but come on, let's all agree a bit alarming.
2. Tying a tie
Ugh this one's the WORST!!
First of all, I'm a girl and I'm all for breaking gender norms or whatever, but I just look like an idiot whenever I tie my tie. And I'm usually in public which is even more awful. Instead of looking like this:
I look like this:
I turn from normal gal just enjoying the comfy seat at the mall to people giving me side-glances, probably wondering if I'm okay. This is what I get for working in a restaurant and dressing like a man.
3. Doing my hair
I'm sure some women look sexy when they do their hair or whatever. Those women probably don't have an afro they need to tame. Those women probably don't take forty-five minutes to blow-dry their hair and THOSE women probably don't work up a sweat primping. CURSE YOU PUERTO RICAN AND ITALIAN GENES. Seriously, I have one crazy thick head of curly hair. My hair is going to take over the world one day, I'm almost positive. It's impossible to feel sexy when I do my hair. In my head I look like this:
But I really look like this:
I don't understand it either and I never want to.
I wish I ate like a girl. It's so embarrassing. I eat at a rapid speed. If I were to have a superhero power, it would definitely be super-speed-eating. I try all the tricks. Counting to twenty in between bites. Chewing slowly. Actually chewing instead of inhaling. But it never works. It's like I can't even control it. It's awful. I give so many props to women who eat nicely. I'm trying to get better. It's hard.
exactly. lay off me. i'm starving.
I feel like this list is going to grow. I will keep you updated.