Saturday, October 29, 2011

Things I look really bad doing but wish I didn't.

1. Carrying laundry
 I'm usually a pretty normal kinda girl. No klutzy habits, pretty steady on my feet (blame it on my solid Puerto Rican frame.....awesome). But I realized today that as I carried my laundry up and down from my apartment I probably resembled this:

minus the crown and awesome freaking staff. 

I seriously probably scared off all my neighbors and surrounding passerby. Not to say the Hunchback of Notre Dame here is scary, but come on, let's all agree a bit alarming. 

2. Tying a tie
Ugh this one's the WORST!!
First of all, I'm a girl and I'm all for breaking gender norms or whatever, but I just look like an idiot whenever I tie my tie. And I'm usually in public which is even more awful. Instead of looking like this: 

I look like this:

I turn from normal gal just enjoying the comfy seat at the mall to people giving me side-glances, probably wondering if I'm okay. This is what I get for working in a restaurant and dressing like a man.

3. Doing my hair
I'm sure some women look sexy when they do their hair or whatever. Those women probably don't have an afro they need to tame. Those women probably don't take forty-five minutes to blow-dry their hair and THOSE women probably don't work up a sweat primping. CURSE YOU PUERTO RICAN AND ITALIAN GENES. Seriously, I have one crazy thick head of curly hair. My hair is going to take over the world one day, I'm almost positive. It's impossible to feel sexy when I do my hair. In my head I look like this:
But I really look like this:

I don't understand it either and I never want to.

3. Eating
I wish I ate like a girl. It's so embarrassing. I eat at a rapid speed. If I were to have a superhero power, it would definitely be super-speed-eating. I try all the tricks. Counting to twenty in between bites. Chewing slowly. Actually chewing instead of inhaling. But it never works. It's like I can't even control it. It's awful. I give so many props to women who eat nicely. I'm trying to get better. It's hard.

exactly. lay off me. i'm starving.

I feel like this list is going to grow. I will keep you updated.


  1. This entire post is freaking hysterically amazing. Love, love, lovin it... I can totally sympathize with said Itali-ano genes...frizzle frazzled hair be mine all the time. That last one...ha, totally me too. I was with my sister the other day at a restauraunt and I proceeded to wolf down the entire lunch meal in prob 7.7 fast that by the time the waiter came around for the first, I repeat first time to ask us how everything was, he laughed (probably to mask his mock horror) at the fact I just polished the whole thing off in warp like speed. I wish I could say I hadn't eaten since the night before but alas...I had just eaten breakfast 2 hours ago...Don't ask me...I have no idea why.

    In conclusion: You. Are. Not. Alone. :)) heehee


  2. Girl you are hilarious!! <3 I love you cuz!! I feel you with the eating thing... One thing for me is picking that bathing suit wedgie! LOL I've seen women do it and it's so grateful, but with the booty my mom left me not so grateful. --Chrissy

  3. *** so graceful***'s early.

  4. I think we've all been conditioned to eat super-fast after spending summers at Young Life camps. I mean seriously: Prayer, bread, salad, drinks, dinner, desert, skit all in under 30 minutes flat? That is crazytown.

  5. Hey it's Chelsea again. I feel you on everything you said, just totally wanted to point out that I wish I could stare at that Logan Lerman photo ALL DAMN DAY LONG. But unfortunuately I have to go to Rona to buy a replacement metal hose-y thingy for the dryer cause I broke the other one. Yeah, figure that one out. But yeah, Mr. Logan Lerman is just delicious. Saw "Three Musketeers" the other night for two reasons, Percy Jackson and Mr. Darcy. Was a good popcorn flick and Logan's hair was terrible, but hey, s'all good.