Friday, October 7, 2011

home is less of a word more of a feeling

Ah yes, the update post. I can't even think right now. This month has been one of the craziest months of my life! I am legitimately living the life of a nomad and it's bizarre! I'm gonna break this up into 3 parts.

Part 1: Crazy Chicken & Pretty People
When Chanelle and I first landed we were going to stay in Malibu for a short time through some random connection. Malibu is absolutely gorgeous and I can't tell you enough how out of place I felt. Eventually I learned to love it, but it was SO weird the first day. I was completely out of my element (I still am)...we had a crazy month in Malibu. We were staying in the hills, so there was literally a horse at the house we were staying, and lots of ranches and just breathaking landscapes. Gosh, it really was one of the most gorgeous places I've ever seen. But it was weird, because we knew our stay would only be temporary, so I didn't want to get too attached. I didn't want to REALLY love my morning runs on the beach, or the drive, or that view out of our window because I knew I didn't really belong there. Chanelle and I had some fun times in the hills of Malibu. We frequented El Pollo Loco, our favorite Mexican fast-food joint. Everyone was SO nice there!! And the food was delicioso!! Also, Winner's Pizza. One night Chanelle and I were CRAVING pizza...since our diet mostly consists of cereal and peanutbutter sandwiches. So we googled great pizza places in Malibu and Winner's came up with rave reviews. Plus side? Every boy there was super cute. Good-looking guys and pizza? Two of my favorite things.

Then there was also the sex-crazed dogs that lived at the house we were staying. Yuck. If I had to see them going at it one more time, I was gonna dropkick that creepy freak. I'm sorry. Dogs are cute and all, but not when they constantly do it (or rather, one aggressively mounts the other innocent party). Oh those crazy muts.

What I will always love most about our time staying in Malibu was the runs on the beach. They always gave my heart so much peace. If I closed my eyes, it felt like I was running at home and that would always make me sad. Gosh, I miss home. 

Part 2: Hipster House
So, eventually we needed to leave Malibu because the people were actually going to rent the place out. We had no idea where we were going to go. Our apartment plans fell through, and I have to say those were some of the most stressful days I've experienced here so far. It was scary not knowing where we were going to stay. I have never craved stability more in those few days of not knowing. It was also a huge slap in the face for me faith-wise; I should have had a stronger trust in the Lord. But I faltered and stumbled and questioned and in the end, it made me closer to God. But at the same time I am not proud of how I doubted. But God is SO good and provided us with the best situation. A guy in our small group was house-sitting, but said we could stay there and basically house-sit for him. It was amazing to have a house to ourselves, to be able to do laundry!!! I was so excited about the laundry part, I'm such a nerd. In Malibu, we couldn't really do laundry, so I'd been hand-washing my stuff. I forgot how amazing of a luxury it is to have access to a washer and dryer!!! Also a TV! And the hipster house had an awsome record player and was decorated so quirky and awesome. That hipster house felt more like home than Malibu. I'm going to miss it. It's weird that the owners have no idea who Chanelle and I are. 

Part 3: Hotel Living: how many small shampoos can we smuggle out?
And now we are staying in a hotel for two weeks. It is so weird living out of my suitcase, but it also makes me realize how little I actually need. I like that the simplicity, but it's hard for me. I want to say I like adventure, which I do, but my heart yearns for a place to call home. I am so grateful we have a roof over our heads, but I cannot WAIT to finally get an apartment. We are looking and praying. We have two weeks. No idea what will happen after those two weeks, but I'm not going to worry about that. I am taking one day at a time. 

I wish I could write about every crazy thing that has happened to us here but I really do feel like I'm in too strange a place to be good at writing right now. You ever just feel so tired and a little lost that you just literally want to sit and zone out? That's what I feel right now. I don't feel creative, I don't feel especially sad or happy. I just feel....there. You know? It's weird. 

Anyways, I wanted to give a little update about where I am basically. Where my heart is. There's a lot going on inside of me right now. I'm missing my mom and sisters more than I can say. I didn't think it was going to be this hard, but I guess I should have known. I think why I am missing them a lot is because they ARE my home. When I think of being somewhere safe and cozy, I think of them too. That's hard. But I'm so glad I'm out here...and I am excited to see where God takes me next. I'm open to anything. I am learning to trust and be free. Anyway, I'm off to bed. Long day, longer tomorrow. 


1 comment:

  1. I can completely relate to that "just there" feeling. I'm moving out of my apartment in 2 weeks (on a very very small amount of notice) and just today have a lead on a "maybe" place. Thank goodness God doesn't cease being my provider when I allow bumps and turns in the path to shake my trust! :) Can't remember if I've commented before, but I found your blog on 20sb!