Sunday, July 24, 2011

Courage, dear heart!

It's one of those nights where my heart is feeling so anxious! Don't you hate those nights? Maybe I'll blame it on the latte I sipped while watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Deux for the fourth time in theatres...(don't worry, I didn't pay, I had a free movie pass so why not!!)...

There is something about sitting in a cold movie theatre that relaxes my heart for a little bit. But then I come home. And my room is completely turned upside down...for good reason, of course. My sister is taking my furniture that adorned my NYC apartment in the fall to her house where she'll live at school. Which makes complete sense...I can't take it to Los Angeles. It'd be silly. But still....walking into my room...my room I've had since I was fifteen which hasn't changed all that much (should I be okay with that fact?) and seeing things disappear that just sends my heart beating a little too fast.

I want to reach out my arms and just give everything I know, everything I love, everything that is familiar a big hug and ask it to stay a little while longer. I'm used to change, as I've blogged about before.  I've been through changes! High school graduation! College! Breakups! New relationships! More breakups! Moving! New jobs! There's so many changes in life, I should be used to them, right?!

I can't express enough how excited I am to move to Los Angeles. I also can't express enough how scared I am. I'm not gonna pretend that it's going to be easy, that I'm super pumped all the time about it. My heart is a cozy, hole up in my bedroom, drink some tea, read a book, wear a sweater kind of heart. It's less of the adventure seeking, adrenaline rushing, I LOVE NEW THINGS ALL THE TIME kind of heart. But there's a little bit of that sprinkled in there too. 

Change is real...it is in our everyday. Without change we miss out on wonderful parts of life. Without risk, without the possibility of failure, without failure itself we grow stagnant...the same everyday isn't the kind of life I want.

Not too long ago I was talking to a very dear friend of mine. She is one of the most beautiful and strong women I know. Anyone who talks to her can just see Christ shining through--her spirit is so gentle and loving and -- well, I could go on and on about her. She's awesome, basically. Anyway, we were talking about how in life we are always trying to reach a certain point. A certain plateau where we can finally say, "Ahh, yes, I've made it!" But a life with Jesus Christ isn't like that. There is no plateau. It's all a question of, "What next? Where do you want me next?" This can be so hard! We can finally get to that point of, "Ahhh" and then God is all like, "Heck no! Time to get going again." And that doesn't always mean physically moving....it's more than that. No matter where we are in life, God meets us there and wants to use us. I love that. I am comforted by that. 

So tonight, as I bask in the after-glow-wonderfulness of Harry's triumph of good over evil, I will be content with watching ABC family's Harry Potter marathon (I'm not THAT obsessed!) with my sisters, take a deep breath and embrace whatever God has next. 


Thought I'd share this photo with y'all. Isn't my sister beautiful? Both of my sisters are goregheads. Also, I want an iphone because then all your pictures look profesh. SO JEAL. I'll stop abbreving. Soo (that's short for soon). 


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