Guys, I am very grateful for this blog for different reasons. Today I am grateful that it is a place I can write from my heart and with each different season of my life or mood that I'm in. On the days I'm feeling happy and light, my writing reflects that. When I'm cranky, I'm pretty sure you can tell through my writing as well. Today is a day where I feel vulnerable. Not in a bad way....not sure in what kind of way, I am just feeling open and vulnerable. I think sometimes it's perfectly okay to feel this way, ya know?
Anyway, today I'ma get real with you guys. This post is about sadness and dealing with sadness. Sadness is a part of life, unavoidable and there. I don't think it's good to dwell in a place of sadness, but it's definitely okay to feel sad sometimes. I don't know how boys deal with their sadness or even other girls but I know how I deal with mine.
Isn't it weird how sadness can just creep up on you? Yesterday I thought I was having a good day. Work went really well, everyone was nice, we weren't too busy. I came home and then I felt the first little prickles of sadness creeping in. Something happened, (small and stupid) that trigged the full beast of sadness. I went from being a little on edge to this overwhelming sense of...I just don't like this feeling.
It was one of those feelings that made me crawl in bed, get under the covers and cry. I know it's like, cool and hip and all to be like "Ughh, I don't cry! That's for losers." But like, okay guys for 1. I'm Puerto Rican and Italian AND a girl so already my emotions are on steroids and 2. I'm about to move away from everyone I know and love so my emotions are on steroids. So yeah...I cried. Big, wallopy, five-year-old tears that made the snot rivers flow and my eyes red. I didn't say it was gonna be pretty.
My sister Rebecca (who writes an awesome blog HERE) tried to get me out of bed, bless her soul. I shut her down and kept to myself in my room and you know what I did? I opened up my laptop, pulled up iTUNES and put on my playlist entitled "Through the Wardrobe." It's all instrumental music from the Narnia movies and basically makes me feel cozier than anything EVER (because, let's be honest, the only thing cozier is Hogwarts at Christmas and I haven't experienced that...YET).
Listening to the music took me so far away I just wanted to hug something. I don't know how you guys deal with sadness, but this made my heart feel better. And then Rebecca FORCED me to take a shower and that actually made me feel best, like I was literally washing away the bad feelings I had inside me.
I don't know the point of this post. I guess....I just think it's so easy to read someone's blog and think, "Wow, they are so happy, their life is wonderful!" I just think life isn't (obviously) like that. There are dark days as well as days full of so much light your face hurts from smiling.
I sometimes wonder why God made me the way I am. I'm sure you guys have wondered a similar thought. Sometimes I really do wish I could be different. I think, "God...why DID you make me such a bookworm and nerdy and did you REALLY have to give me all this curly hair and chubby cheeks?" And then, when I was lying in bed yesterday listening to my Narnia music and feeling so blue I KNEW God was right there with me, holding me and pouring his love on me. And I knew God was looking out for me in giving me two sisters who I love more than I thought I could love another human being. And I saw Christ shining through Rebecca yesterday when she didn't roll her eyes at my little meltdown but instead stuck with me, sat on my bed, forced me to go out and you know what? I ended up having a wonderful night.
God makes us all the way we are for a reason. Sure, I don't know those reasons exactly but I am comforted by this. And sadness shmadness. It comes, it goes. Don't feel like a freak if one day you are happy and the next day you just want to cry or yell or run. I think it's beautiful and amazing the human being can experience such feeling. It's important to learn how to deal with these things. I don't know. Ya know?
Anyway. Point of this post? Sometimes, you just need a good cry and your little sister to force you to take a shower to make you a feel a whole lot better.
I like this picture. Has all my favorite things--the ocean and people I love.