Tuesday, June 28, 2011

displace me

I am a girl who loves comfort in all forms: food, clothes, my bed...I like being comfortable and I like feeling cozy, protected and snuggly. I don't think there is anything wrong with this--but sometimes along with loving comfort comes the fear of change and adventure. But I also love adventure and new experiences and facing fear...which is why in less than two months I'm going to hop on a plane and move to Los Angeles. 

I'm starting to get to that point of "Yikes, I'M FREAKING SCARED." I'm used to change. My parents divorced when I was 13. That was a change. I packed up and headed to New York City only a few short weeks after my 18th birthday--that was a huge change. I've been a part of teams/communities/ministry and change is a huge part of that. It can be hard sometimes, though. I like knowing my future, so sometimes I get so frustrated not knowing where I'll be in 5 years. Of course, this is exciting but it's difficult because I am a DREAMER! I have a huge imagination so of course I picture myself in different stages of life, and I just have to remember to tell myself: God is in control.

Lately my heart has been hurting for all the different groups of people I've grown to love and then had to leave. I just miss that constant feeling of community, but it's also a beautiful thing to know I have met so many people all over the world. This theme of displacement is weighing heavily on my heart: God doesn't want us to be comfortable. We aren't meant for that--we are meant to go on this wild adventure with Him and spread the most amazing news...that Jesus Christ is Savior. 

At church a few weeks ago I went up for prayer and the man praying for me gave me this verse and I just felt like crying but had so much peace at the same time because it is perfect: 

James 4: 13-15
Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 16

This is so powerful! I could be saying in my head right now, "Okay. I'm going to Los Angeles and I'm going to get THIS job and make THIS money and have THIS life!" Or...I can open myself up to the story God is writing for my life. I can just go and listen for that still, quiet voice of the Lord leading me here or there. One step at a time. 

Realizing this a few weeks ago was so FREEING--I could go to L.A. and end up being led somewhere else. I could come back here...I have no idea where God is going to take me!  All I know is the next baby step. I can deal with baby steps. That is so exciting!

And also scary. Even as I'm writing this I'm getting just...anxious. I don't want to be away from my friends and family. I don't want to put myself out there and start all over....

But sometimes we have to do things we don't necessarily want to do in this moment, but have to do. I truly believe God is leading me to the West Coast for something. I have no idea what it is. It probably doesn't look like what I think it looks like. But I trust in the Lord so much. Earlier today when I was driving in the car I was listening to an old worship CD we have in the car and Blessed Be Your Name came on and the lyric "my heart will choose to say, blessed be Your name" stuck out to me so much. Choosing. 

I choose to praise God in all seasons of my life. I choose to believe in His goodness--when I'm sad or annoyed or happy. All times. I choose to believe and trust God every moment of every day. 

I feel like I just need to write this right now to whoever is reading this, because this blog is a place of honesty and I don't want to filter anything: I 100% believe life with God is the best life one can live on this Earth. This life we live IS just a vapor--it's so tiny! But God offers us something amazing, spectacular, something we can hardly fathom: eternal life. 

I know I'm a screw up. I know I'm impatient, self-centered, flakey at times (I'm working on not making mroe than one plan at a time! yikes), short-tempered and insensitive. I know I don't even come close to someone who is worthy enough to worship the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE, yet God loves me so much. Loves every single person on this Earth. Before I gave my life to Jesus, I was living for me. Living for the things of this world--status, money, shallow friendships--but none of that matters. It's all so fleeting. As I'm writing this I'm listening to "Come Away" by Jesus Culture (who are AMAZING!!!)

Come away with me, come away.
It's never too late, it's never too late,
it's not too late for you.
I have a plan for you, I have a plan.
It's going to be wild,
it's going to be great,
it's going to be full of me

Open up your heart and let me in

This is the cry of my heart. Let's see....how can I wrap up this post? Usually I don't go all out like this, but for some reason I am feeling so moved to just write about this. I know not everyone who reads this agrees with me. I don't know what else to say, really, other than this is what I believe to be truth soo much. And as I'm preparing in these last two months to make a huge change, I pray that all of us can embrace change, adventure, and be taken where God wants us to go. It's so exciting! And I truly believe it will be wild, great, and full of the One who loves us the most. 


on a side note, i just got a new journal!!! who else is a journal lover out there? isn't it just the most wonderful thing to open up a brand new, blank journal! ahhh, i love it!
isn't it cutteee?! it reminds me of a storybook for some reason. le sigh.

blessings.



3 comments:

  1. Love the new journal. Good luck on your journey :)

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  2. im totes a freaky journal lover too nina!

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  3. I have that journal. Bought it because it reminded me of DC. :) And welcome to the West Coast.

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