Tuesday, June 7, 2011

8:30am gratitude

so often i blog about what i'm struggling with or random, sporadic thoughts. today the balmy wind is rustling through my kitchen window, the house is quiet, JJ Heller is crooning softly in the background via Pandora and i just ate the most delicious, wonderful cereal. there is so much i am thankful for and so often i just don't even think about it. but a lot is going to change in a few months. at the end of august chanelle and i are moving to los angeles to pursue our dreams. it's so weird to write that down here. it's always just been this thought, this far away dream but it's quickly becoming a reality. i'm starting to think about what i can sell to make extra money, i'm saving every penny, i'm trusting in the Lord and it's terrifying and frightening and exhilerating all at the same time.

i'm sure i'll blog more about the move later but for today i want to focus on being grateful. blogs are funny things. i feel like they only show the good parts about my life/myself. i want my blog to be a place of peace, truth, struggle, reality and more than anything a testament to God. i am worried that people who read this will think i'm someone i'm not. do you ever feel like that? i don't want to put up a front. i don't want to be fake on here. i am impatient, self-centered, obnoxious and vain. i am sinful. and yet God loves me, i am his daughter, and that is amazing....THAT is the grace of God. wow. 

that was a little tangent....but here we go. 

God, thanks for:

1. Running
Talk about taking something for granted....last summer I hurt my ankle pretty badly and couldn't run for a few months. Those were some of the worst few months EVER! Running started out for me as a way to lose weight my senior year of high school and pretty quickly I abused running. My senior year I became obsessed with losing weight and it was awful. Sure I was skinny but I was grouchy all the time, put way more value on food than was necessary, and was never happy with myself. Eventually I got over it (thank goodness, before it got to a really dangerous place) but since then I have fallen in love with running. Now I run because I love it and it makes me feel GOOD. Makes me feel empowered. Makes me feel close to God. If I lived near the sea I'd run by it everyday. For now I'll settle with the neighborhood or the treadmill (I'm one of the few people who love running on a treadmill just as much as a wooded path)....but anyway...Thank you Lord. Thank you for the ability to RUN. It's like that scene in Avatar when Jake Sully is in avatar form for the first time and starts to run....and like in that much better movie, Tangled, when Rapunzel comes down from the tower for the first time and sings about running and splashing and omgosh it's so wonderful and I love it!!!!!!!!!! You go Rapunzel. So yes. This morning I am especially grateful for running.
my awesome new running shoes. it's like i'm running on clouds. nomnom.

2. Coffee
my favorite coffee shop. it's in SoCal. I can't wait until august when I can have this all the time!!!
I think half of the reason why I love it so much is the whole caffeine addiction, but it's more than that OKAY!? Here's the thing about coffee. It's social, not just delicious and addicting. Some of my best conversations with people have been over a cup of coffee. I love going on coffee dates with someone and alone. There's something so wonderful and peaceful about having a conversation over a steaming cup of Joe, whether it's a conversation full of laughter, tears, silly questions or honesty. I love it. I also LOVE going to coffee by myself. Sometimes I'll bring my bible and journal, sometimes I'll bring Narnia, sometimes I'll just get the coffee, go for a drive and enjoy licking off the latte foam. I don't remember the last day where I didn't drink a cup of coffee. The best coffee I ever had was when I went to Peru. Our host family made the most amazing coffee--it was rich and we drank it black and....mmmmeeehhhhh. I'm starting to drool just remembering it. I also had some Cuban coffee at Cuba Libre, a restaurant in the city. Now that was amazing coffee as well. Is it bad that I legit get angry when people tell me I should give coffee up? I don't think I'll ever be able to....actually, I think I'll go make a cup now. 

3. anti-dream killers....aka my mom
yeah, i definitely take my mom for granted. it sucks. i'm so used to her loving me unconditionally that it's easy to forget that i'm extremely blessed. when i was in 8th grade and told my mom i wanted to go to new york university and become an actress, she didn't laugh at me. she didn't tell me i'd never get in or that there was no way in hell we could afford it. she just told me "okay, then that is where you'll go." i remember sitting in the New York City studio building as I awaited my NYU audition. I wasn't even eighteen yet. I didn't have a headshot--I brought my senior portrait proof that said "unlawful to copy" across my forehead. everyone was so glammed up and glossy and artsy looking. i had on my payless boots and a skirt i had bought at kohl's. talk about feeling like an underdog. i was the second person to be seen and i remember crying there in the hallway, looking at my mom as she waved me and had tears in her eyes. that is a mother. she believed in me from the beginning. she didn't tell me i had to go to a state school or community college first to save money. she knew that God had brought me to NYU for a reason and she knew being an actress was something i dreamed of since i could speak. my mom didn't have the chance to finish college and pursue her dream career--but she made it possible for me to. i can't wait until the day i can tell her she doesn't have to work anymore. Lord, thank you for making my mom....my mom. 

4. JJ Heller
Girl sings with truth. my sister rebecca (read her blog here) first got me into JJ...and i'm officially in love. her music is raw, passionate and sweet. everytime i listen to a song of hers i think "YES!!!! i know exactly what you mean!!!" ... i love that feeling. that connection you feel to a song or that particular strum of a guitar. music is such a precious gift from God. check out JJ here. Christ SHINES through her music. I love it. Plus, her pandora radio is awesome because it leads you to a ton of beautiful songs. my favorite from JJ is probably 'Fly Away' or 'The Pretty & the Plain' or 'Your Hands'....haha, there's so many! but seriously. listen. enjoy. fall in love.

gosh, i'm verbose. i just wanted to blog about these particular things. i'm almost done a new poem which i'm really excited about, so i can't wait to post that next!!! anyway. i guess i wanted to write this post because i want to constantly be reminded of my blessings and of how quick i am to forget them....it's important to be grateful and just amazed at this world we live in. mmhm.

I know You hate to see me cry,
One day You will set all things right...

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