Tuesday, May 31, 2011

courage, dear heart.

"Sit with God as you might with the ocean. You bring nothing to the ocean, yet it changes you."

I just got back from the beach for a quick day and a half vacation and I am in that lala wonder period after a trip to the shore where all I wanna do is go back....my skin is crispy, my hair salt-water dry and my feet are itching to retrace steps along the sand. I love the smell of the saltwater when I go for a run in the morning. I love outdoor showers where there's sand forever in your hair and the suds run down onto the sidewalk. I love walking into A Whale's Tale in Cape May and having memories hit me full in the face from when I was little and would walk in that shop and it would be sensory overload and I just wanted to live in it. I love describing beach houses in odd terms like, "That house looks like a book!" Or "That house is a honey and peanutbutter sandwich."

I love so many things about the seashore and I can't wait until I live in California but one particular thing that I love, love, love is the ocean. Standing where the water trickles and laps up into your toes. The ocean change you simply by looking at it. When I look out into the ocean, I feel close to God. Closer in a way that makes me think over and over, "You are real, You are real, You are real."

Something I have been struggling with since graduating college and moving back home temporarily is still being on fire for the Lord. Passionate. In love. I moved back home and to a place where, although I love my family more than anything and love the familiarity of it all in this little town, I moved back to a place I practically ran out of. And that light at the end of the tunnel, knowing I'm moving soon, it makes it all a little more bearable. But it's so easy to fall into this mentality of comfort, of just....settling.

I'm not saying being here is me settling. I'm not saying living in Delco is settling AT ALL. I'm just saying that when I'm placed into an environment where I am around people who I know and love and trust, I get into this cozy little bubble of content and I don't think that's where God wants me to be at all. People so often think a life with Jesus Christ is a life of restraint, rules, regulations and a heck of a lot of guilt. I beg to differ. I think a life with Jesus Christ is exciting, wild, dangerous and really freaking scary.

Which is why I keep my little mantra going-- "Courage, dear heart." 

For those of you out there who love CS Lewis as much as I do and who have read the Narnia books, you might recognize this quote from the series. Aslan says to Lucy this very sentence and oh my gosh, it just gives me chills. Resounds within me. I think God is always telling us this and so desperately wants us to listen--courage, dear heart. Courage.

I don't want to live my life in fear. I don't want to live my life in comfort. I want to be displaced. I want to be used by God any which way He wants to. I don't want to be afraid of how He's gonna use me. I want to be



a soldier

I want to have courage.

I want to be moved by the ocean everyday, even when I'm in a little suburban town. I want to be moved by the ocean when I'm at Young Life, when I'm just at home with my sisters, when I'm going on a run. Always, always.


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