Tuesday, April 5, 2011

so many different places to call home

sometimes i get
so
conflicted.


when i was a baby christian (sometimes i still am, just a little baby needing so much guidance all day every single day) i used to think that God's will for my life could not possibly match up to my dreams. and boy, i have a lot of dreams. my first love is reading and writing and being a reader/writer, you constantly fall in love with dreams. so yes, i am a dreamer. and the thing about my dreams--i completely believe that they will come true. actually there is no doubt in my mind that my dreams will come true, which is a great feeling. peaceful and scary all at the same time. a big old contradiction.

me having Tisch pride. drama major baby!
back to when i was a little fetus Jesus follower. i was entering my second year at NYU when i really caught on fire for the Lord--when it hit me that living FOR Jesus was actually living WITH Jesus, every minute of every day. and i thought that meant giving everything i loved up--i considered dropping out of NYU, transferring to a small, Christian school, giving up my dreams of acting, performing, writing and becoming a missionary. i am not saying that is a bad thing, i am just saying i got it all wrong. Jesus doesn't want me to give up my dreams. he wants me to use my dreams for the KINGDOM. and that is beautiful.

i once heard a pastor talk about how God gives us passions, talents, dreams so that we can use them here on Earth to bring Glory to His name. WOW. i sat there and i thought, 'that's amazing! i can still be an actress, i can still write novels, but i can do those things FOR GOD.' how...how precious. what a gift!

Girl Conception collage. Doing what i love to do--performing & making people laugh
you see, sometimes i feel guilty for loving movies so much and acting and making people laugh. i think, 'this is stupid. i should be doing something else.' but why? God made me this way for a reason. i read a book once (click HERE ) where it talked about burning out in ministry. i remember it saying that sometimes, people just  do missions for the sake of doing missions. and if you do that, you will burn out. you need to follow your passions and see what God is saying about THAT and how you can use what you love the most to glorify God. i loved that.

and you know what? i think the film industry needs Jesus so much. i think of all the little kids influenced by media, i think of how movies reach out to so many people and i think how can i use this particular industry to further the Kingdom of God? to do what i am supposed to do on this Earth...hmmm.

so i am excited. i am excited to move out to los angeles in a few months. i am excited to struggle and work so hard to do what i love and to glorify God in the process.

so sometimes
maybe
i am not so conflicted after all.

1 comment:

  1. Excellent post, Nina! Right from the heart. God calls some people to do ministry at churches and others to influence society itself!
    You could write for Compassion International and be doing an amazing service for God, influencing many Christian readers but you could also write for The New York Times or direct/act in movies in Hollywood and be influencing the flow of society as a whole.
    God made you the way that you are and he will open all the right doors.

    ReplyDelete