Wednesday, March 2, 2011

the power of truly believing

Do you have little treasures in life that you hold onto, little reminders that maybe come alive in an old fortune cookie paper that you carry, or a text from a friend you saved and look at from time to time, or an old book that you read that one summer where you didn't really go out and just lived in that world? I love life's little treasures. They are special, magical and I really think everyone has them even if they don't admit it.

One of my favorite treasures of mine is a letter I wrote to myself in 10th grade. In my English class our teacher had us write each other letters and write ourself a letter and when we graduated she gave them to us so we could read. Not too long ago I found my envelope of letters and was literally shocked when I read the one I wrote to myself. I think I might have almost cried or something (but that could have been because Taylor Swift was playing and really, Taylor just writes those hits). Anyway, here's the letter I wrote myself:

"Dear Nina,
Can you believe it? You've made it. Didn't think it'd fly by so fast, did you? Kind of scary, huh? But you've waited forever for this day. Now you can go out in the world and be everything you have ever dreamed of. Now, you can shine.
        But of course you'll miss it. Especially band. You'll miss band the most, as much as you say you hate it. You'll miss band camp, and the comps. And the plays. You've come along way since Carousel. Did you ever think you'd have so much confidence?
       And you're going to NYU! The school you've always dreamed of. You knew you'd make it. New York City! It's where you belong.
      Kind of crazy how you're still best friends with the same girls. True friends never die. It's crazy, but that's high school, right?
      You never let anything get in your way. And through all the hardships and struggles, you've still come out strong. You never once let anyone else or anything else keep you from being who you truly are! Now it's time to go out into the world and continue your journey.
        Just remember:
        Look closer. You'll find the true beauty in life. For that is what your life is: beautiful.
        Love,
       Myself
       Nina"

Aahaha, a lot of this makes me laugh because I was so dramatic and really, I still am. But every single word in this letter is true, which just blows my mind. Especially the NYU part. Okay, that was bold of my 15 year old self. I had no idea if I would get into NYU and to be honest the chances were completely stacked against me. But it happened and I just...wow. I loved reading that a year ago. And I also loved reading about how I'm still friends with the same girls. Which is true. Melanie and Jeane and Laura are still three of my best friends. How awesome? God, you are sooooo good.

This letter to myself makes me realize how I can't let myself ever stop dreaming. How none of us can stop dreaming. That sounds so corny and way too optimistic, but I'm sick of shooing away my optimism because the world says it's funny and cool to be sarcastic and bitter. I was 15 and I was dreaming away and so many of those dreams came true. That is reality. I love that. I didn't even know Jesus when I wrote this yet I could see God alive in me, before I even knew it. That amazes me. That is how big God is and I always underestimate Him. Crazy, crazy. I'm all about positive thinking even though it is really hard. Sometimes it's just way too much effort to think good thoughts. But I have to remember the power of believing, of trusting in God because God loves us so much.

I was recently talking to my sister about how God isn't about circumstance. I love this. So often I think in my head 'What is God's plan for me? Is it to move far away? Is it to stay near my family? Is it this career, or that?' But God isn't about circumstance. God just promises to walk with me every step of my life. I love that. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. God literally promises to just walk through life with me. What a gift!!! How beautiful. How precious. So I guess, wherever you are in life, remember God is walking with you and that is truly something. Love.

Love & how remembering when you were fifteen and how good it felt to just dream,
Nina.

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