Monday, March 7, 2011

midnight blogging

I am craving summertime. Brooke Fraser's 'There's Something in the Water' is playing and it makes me want to fall in love and dance around barefoot. Actually, we can skip the falling in love. Just give me a hammock, a balmy evening and a glass of grape juice and I'll pretend it's red wine (I hate red wine) and I'll let my hair all loose and do a little writing and listen to the crickets hum hum into the evening.

Gosh, this woman can create music. Seriously. Go to youtube and look up that song. It'll make you smile, crave spring and summer and warm weather and good things.

<--One day I'd love to come home to fresh flowers. Pretty. 

I want to live in a firework. I know logistically, this wouldn't work out but it'd be awesome to wake up every morning to sparkling lights. I think I'd also just have a major headache all the time.

I'm going to force my child to play the violin. 

I went to church by myself the other day and it was really cool. I know people go to church by themselves all the time, but I actually never have. It was awesome. I saw some people I knew which was lovely but I genuinely loved driving there alone, sitting and just really praying and talking to God. Sometimes I feel like inside my head is a really spastic television and a five year old who just downed a bottle of 5-Hour-Energy is controlling the remote. I especially have this issue right before I go to bed--a thousand and one thoughts pass through my mind and I literally can't fall asleep. And it happens a lot when I talk to God. I talk to God all day long because I'm not really one to like, kneel beside my bed at nighttime and have a long list of prayer. it's kind of like, all day prayer, if that makes sense. But at church, alone, I really noticed how hard it was for me to just sit and relax. 

I think so often I hate relaxing and clearing my mind because I'm afraid of what I'll find. I'm afraid that I'll be able to hear so clearly what God is telling me and that actually really scares me, even though it's what I so desperately want in my heart. Does that make sense? Sometimes I'd rather just sit in the snowy static of the TV channels then have to confront what I wish I could sweep under the rug. But God loves us too much to let us dwell in that static for too long.

Tonight I had coffee and curly fries (when you eat a curly fry and take a sip of coffee it tastes like a hotdog, FYI) at a diner with my friend Jeane and once again I'm blown away by the gift of friendship. Jeane and I met in 8th grade and became best friends after I invited her to see one of the Harry Potter films with me. I think it was 'The Chamber of Secrets.' Wow, I feel so old. Jeane's been one of my best friends since I was 13 and I still can't believe that we are so close. It makes me realize the power of quality over quantity. The other night I told her that I am so grateful I still have her in my life and it really is something. I don't know, when you find a true friend it is very special.

This blog is a fragmented thought kind of blog. Hopefully tomorrow I'll find some better inspiration but for right now I just want to jump into Brooke Fraser's music and hang out there awhile.

Love & Coffee, Curly Fries, and best friends,

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