One thing I'm really struggling with in this blog is honesty. It's hard to write unfiltered--I always think, am I putting too much of my heart out there? Am I getting way too personal on a blog? Is this getting kind of ridiculous? I think about it and I think of my favorite blogs out there. I love when the writer is completely honest and personal--it's so encouraging and fresh and usually leaves me deeply moved. I'm not saying I'm writing this to "move" people. Even if no one read my blog, and let's face it, it's not like many people do (which is totally fine!) I would still write in it every day. Because through this blog I hope to glorify God with each post...somehow...and even if one person stumbles upon this some day and wonders about God and His never-ending love, then I think it's worth it anyway.
One thing I'm really learning lately is to love myself. Loving yourself is different than feeling good about yourself I think. I think a lot of time our culture teaches us to improve ourselves but never to really love ourselves in whatever season of life we are in. In church today our pastor preached about marriage and divorce. Even though I'm only 21 and am not dating, I was deeply moved by his words and truly saw Christ shining through him. I sat there at the end of the service, listening to him pray for us and I wanted to cry because I was so...happy. For the first time since I've graduated, I was completely at peace with where I am right now. I really felt God telling me, "Love where you are right now Nina! Enjoy this time! Seek me! Focus on me! How many times will you be 21? Enjoy it my child!" I just...loved that so much. And it was funny, because our pastor was preaching about marriage, and I have to say, I really am excited to be married one day. I think marriage is beautiful and I can't wait to meet the man I will marry one day and how God will take us on that journey--but I am soooo happy to be where I am right now! I have NO idea where God is going to take my life and I just...am happy about that! I feel like I could literally go anywhere. God tell me to go anywhere in the world and I really think I would. I am enjoying praying daily and taking life one day at a time, just walking with Jesus.
I think the main thing I took away from church today was encouragement. Just feeling so encouraged with loving where I am in life right now. I pray that everyone can rejoice where they are in life right now. And trust me, I know life is hard. I mean, I am very blessed but it's hard to love life if you don't like where you are right now. But I think that's the beauty of God and seeking the Kingdom. It doesn't matter if certain things are falling a part--every minute spent in the presence of God is treasured--I want all my minutes with Him!
This post isn't making sense...at all. I meant to go in one direction and had no idea I'd end up here. I wanted to blog more about my journals but...I just feel this message on my heart. Anyways. Yeah. God is goooooooood yo.
Love & loving life right in this moment even if sometimes I just want to scream-scream or laugh or cry or all three at one time,