Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I'm a Soldier

I've decided to only take posts from after the New Year on my old blog and put them on this new one. Starting with this post I wrote about a month ago:

2 Timothy 2 1 You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2 And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others. 3 Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. 4 No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer. 5 Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crown except by competing according to the rules. 6 The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. 7 Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this.
* * *
It is 6:30 AM and I woke up with the feeling I just had to write. Words get jumbled in my head unless I let them out, so here I go.
It is really easy to believe lies about yourself. That you’re weak, delusional, too moody, dramatic, unworthy and unloved. I’m not sure where these lies stem from. I believe a lot of them come from insecurities that are inside of us and the enemy knows about them, harping on them and making us believe them. But I don’t wanna give the enemy credit here because God lives inside of me and God is all mighty and I realize over and over again that I am desperate, craving, it is my heart’s TRUE desire to be a soldier of the Lord.
I have learned so much these past couple days. About the woman I am, about the woman Christ is shaping me to be, and about how I am NOT weak if I’m walking with the Lord. I think I have begun to learn what it means to be strong in the Grace that is Christ Jesus, just like the verse above says. I can’t say enough how truly GOOD God is and how I really don’t want any other life besides the one God has for me. I have no idea what that means and that is scary but if I really believe in what I say I believe in…if I really believe in the power of God and Jesus Christ then what in the world do I have to fear?
‘No guilt in life…no fear in death….this is the power of Christ in me.’
It’s really easy to not only believe lies about yourself but also to trick yourself into thinking you are following God’s will. But God is always there, always looking at you as if to say “No, my child, enough, I will come rescue you now.” This is EXACTLY what I picture God saying to me when I start to wander away from the will He has for me, when I start to think my own way is the right way, or even that my own way is what God wants for me. 
My heart is so… full right now. Excited. I feel light and free. Every day with God is an adventure. Whoever says Christianity is stifling, boring and old-fashioned needs to think again. It’s the most exciting adventure I have ever experienced.
Jesus ruined my life…in the BEST way possible. And I could never say thank you enough. Lord, it’s all about YOU all the time. 

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